Satyavathi

By: Dr. K. Pramila Sastry

Dedication

“Immaculate in white virginity,

           The same forever and forever one”

                                                                                             Aurobindo, Savitri

This book is dedicated to the virgin widows in India, who have led an awfully lonely life in the midst of a number of people. Every minute, each second of their lives, is spent in service. Their brothers entrust the responsibility of their house to them and gloat over the status that they have given to their sisters. Still, they are blind to the raw reality that all her position is imposed upon her, but is not hers, by right, which she would have enjoyed in her own house, had the cruel fate not snatched her husband away from her, at a tender age. This husband is just a name for her; she does not even remember the face of that person who has tied her in the sacramental bond of marriage and has left this world, leaving her behind, with the lone gift of a desolate life to be lived at the mercy of one and all. Had there been one individual, her husband, he would have taken care of the whole world for her sake; but now, after the reverse of the fate, the whole world claims to look after her, but ultimately in her heart of hearts, she is a destitute. People may feed her physical body well, but her mind is starved due to lack of proper communication. Brothers may give her plenty of clothes and ornaments; may proudly claim that they are quite modern in their approach and allow their sister to be well dressed. No doubt, she is as well equipped as the lady of the house is. But, there is no one to draw her to a corner of the house and mischievously say that she looks pretty in that particular dress. She may not be conscious of all this as she does not even know that such things happen. Her own experience leaves her barren; she has no option but to know about the private, personal bond between husband and wife only through hear-say. Many children play in her lap; in fact, she is the foster-mother to the children of a number of relatives; she takes care of all the children and mothers say that their children are safe in her hands. But Alas! Alas! All this is a momentary drama; the children are with her as a second resort when the mothers are away due to some work. Once the mothers arrive, they run to their respective mothers without even a courteous good-bye. Whatever may happen, the children should sleep only with their mothers, but never with this mother-like figure, who devotes hours and hours together for them. Though days are busy and full, the nights are a huge vacuum; nothing on earth can make amends for this desperately neglected aspect of her life. Perhaps, no one knows about it, nor does one ponder to think over it; this book is devoted to that aspect of denial of life which is converted into a courageous and unconditional acceptance. This is the pursuit of that nautical point, a nuance between regressive resistance and passive    progression - a sacred and serene pursuit of life.

Contents

Foreword

Prologue

1. Born, Bridaled and Shrouded in a Day
2. Contra- Current Cultures
3. Motherhood Bestowed
4. Blossoming Relationships
5. Legacy of Feeling
6. Music and Mystic Lineaments

Foreword

“I must dare speak the truth, when truth is my theme”

                                                                                         Plato

This is the life of a girl, born in Gundu family, at Guntur. She is named Satyavathi, the one who says only truth. She is indeed the very emblem of that reality, which is revealed not in vague words; it is not one to be expressed,but is to be experienced. Life, that perennial source of our survival, is to be understood in facets as fragments of fabricated truth. In fact, as Emerson says, life is a train of moods; can be compared to a string of multicolored beads. When we pass through, each event comes into focus, as if it is laid before a lense and paints the surroundings in its own hue. At the same time, it is not a disoriented and disconnected sequence. Each particular detail contributes to a musical perfection, in spite of apparently inharmonious and varied types and trends, set by a few generations, paving their own way through contrasting and conflicting cultures. Satyavathi’s life is a legend, lasts like music. It is an echo, a resonance that emanates through several stages of a solitary life - led as a lone adventure -  fulfilling the simple needs as they have just happened. The pain and pleasure of life are intensely experienced - without restraint, resistance or resentment. If a ten-year old becomes a widow and questions like Tagore “Small is man’s body,/ How immense his strength to suffer,” it would be an enigma. But if she goes ahead with blissful ignorance and preserves child-like purity till ripe old age, a desired and deserved sacredness is imparted even by the uncompromising society around. Hers is a wealth of existence -- a splendour of survival - under adverse circumstances - like death of father at five, husband at ten, loss of family property at twenty and so on. She has kept her poise with unquestioning acceptability and dignified positivity. Each moment is spontaneous, lived without reference either to the past or the future; an ordinary life, lived in an extraordinary manner; all that happens is an exhilarating event - emanating a resonance to be caught by careful attention. The external events, as they happen, strike inner chords and vibrate a wealth of feelings, resulting in a splendour of emotions. When I narrate this, feelings course through my veins into ink, converting sensory sensation into something permanent. A responsive and resilient structure of events is erected, bound by the nuances of emotions through a vocabulary of taste to suit the story of the times.

Prologue

(Beginning of the 19th century)

“Strange is our situation here on earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose.”

                                                                                                                    Albert Einstein

 It is Vavilala Household. A grand feast after a marriage is taking place. The Who’s Who of the elite community are all there; they all happen to be close-knit relatives. The great Vavilala Shivavadhani, a retired Judge, is there in his long coat and huge turban. There is Vavilala Krishna Sastry, similarly dressed. He is a great linguist and an official to whom goes the credit of tutoring Telugu to Mr. Brown (The compiler of the first Telugu to English Dictionary) and explaining to him the poems of Vemana. Of course, there are also many other officials from the Departments of Revenue, Education and Judiciary. Most of them belong to the Yedavalli, Vavilala and Vathyam families. But the odd one out of these relatives is from the Gundu family, the couple Gundu Mukunda Swamy Sastry, and his wife Seshamma. Seshamma is born in Vathyam household while her maternal uncles are from the famous Vavilala breed. She is well-dressed for the occasion in a pink coloured and golden embroidered Banaras sari, with a number of jewels, fitting the occasion. There is a smile on her face, but her eyes lack the glitter of enjoying the occasion. Her in-laws are learned scholars in Sanskrit, very well-respected. But in her heart of hearts, she feels a pang of pain to see her husband as a priest rather than an English educated, well-to-do,forward-looking youngster. She is a devoted and dedicated wife and respects her husband a lot. But, at the moment, in the humdrum of festivities and celebration, she has made a decision - her only son - Vasudeva Sastry will go to an English school, learn the means of livelihood that his times demand, rather than live in the past of the age-old tradition. Thus has opened a new chapter in the family of the Gundus when a new threshold has been opened. Gundu Vasudeva Sastry has graduated from the Arts College of Rajahmundry. He is selected to be the Registrar in the state government and has retired on the same post with a lot of name and fame to his credit.

A life of pomp and pleasure has started for the Gundu family. Vasudeva Sastry is married to Sitayamma and has had four children in quick succession- Sitalakshmi, Rajyalakshmi, Mukunda Swamy Sastry and Narahari Sastry. In his life, we can see the influence of two different streams. His English education has given him successful life. Though he is placed in the on-going flow of prosperity, the austerity and ardour of priesthood, carried on by the prior generations are not lost. On a domestic and personal front, he has stuck to tradition. If the norms of officialdom demand a shakehand with a European, he would do it with all gusto. However, he would go home, have a bath and replace his yegyopavitham (that sacred thread,worn by men after upanayanam) with a new one and does his pooja in the evening. He would not start for his office unless he does his Sandhyavandanam (morning pooja) in the morning, even if sometimes due to tour schedules, he is compelled to get up at 3 am. He always has a collapsible silver tumbler in his pocket to drink water so that he can avoid using glass utensils. It is his habit to take early lunch, leave for office, come home, and have dinner after duty performing the pooja in the vast room, allocated for that purpose.

This is Vasudeva Sastry - an English-educated official, working with the British, imbibing their work-culture, honest to the core, self-sufficient and serviceable to the near and dear. Is he an enigma? Or do his cultivated habits create cultural clash of identities - one of the order of officialdom and the other - the austerity of traditional and religious discipline. The strength and depth of his personality have given him that ability to bear these two trends with equal ease and dexterity, setting one from the other at a respectable distance. Professional efficiency is on his sleeves, and personal priorities are his second nature. He is the father- figure for all the near and dear - his sisters, even the widowed daughter of one sister - Gundu Achchmamba. His hospitality is such that all his siblings stay with him; his heart goes out for the young widow, his niece. He has catered to her emotional and intellectual needs in such a way that she has turned out to be a great poet and a soul-stirring song-maker.

If a person cares so much for his extended family, can he be anything else, when his own children are concerned? All his children and their spouses should live only with him, is he impractical or too possessive about his children? No. That is not the case. It is his concern that everyone should grow up under his protective care. His elder daughter, Seethalakshmi is married to Bhuvanagiri Kodanda Pani, a sub-registrar. The husband and wife stay at places, wherever he is posted and keep coming to the Gundu household as their second home. She comes here for all her deliveries and almost all the other functions in the family. She has had a number of children - but only three have survived. Vasudeva Sastry is quite ahead of his times. In his heart of hearts, he does not like this too long a period of childbearing and has got a knack of saying it to his daughter. Seethalakshmi has an infant child and is at the same time too heavy and weak in full pregnancy. The father and daughter happen to meet under a fully-laden fruit tree with branches, bending down, almost touching the ground. The benevolent, paternal figure puts his hand on his beloved offspring’s shoulder and tells her how so many fruit are too heavy to be borne and that the traditional proverb that the fruit is not a burden for the tree is, sometimes, disproved. In the case of this ill-fated daughter, the father’s words have proved to be true - her difficult pregnancy has led to dangerous delivery, taking away her life. Vasudeva Sastry’s firstborn is dead and fortune has shown it’s fickle face.

Life does not stop with the death of the spouse, especially for a man and an earning member, in spite of being father to three hapless children. On the day of the death of his wife, Kodandapani’s weeping and wailing is typical of him. He cries at his own destiny of second marriage rather than the tragic death of his wife. Unsurprisingly, within a few months, he is married to a young woman. Vasudeva Sastry, the protective and possessive grandfather- would take up the responsibility of the three kids - the eldest being Brahmeswari, the second Saraswathi and the only son Kuladeepak Roy. In order to seal the relationship between the two families, he has seen to it that Brahmeshwari is married to his second son. This marriage takes place when Narahari is ten and Brahmeshwari is six. Before the marriage, the bride and bridegroom take a round in the pandal on a tricycle, indulge in a running race and then get married; they   

grow up together under one roof and face the vagaries of fate, as they come. Prior to this, the older son, Mukunda Swami Sastry has already been married to Seshamma from Vathyam family, a peculiar match of both names and Surnames with a gap of one generation. His second daughter, Rajyalakshmi is a gifted girl - good at music, a meritorious poet and is sagacious enough to cater to the needs of one and all in the family. Though her husband is not up to her calibre. either intellectually or financially, she is brave enough to bear with her husband, exemplifying exceptional equanimity and composure; she would neither hurt her husband nor disrespect the expected demeanour in a large family. God has graced her with a son, a fair and handsome one, named  Anantharam Sastry.

The eldest son of Vasudeva Sastry is an academic, having passed his B.A.L.T. with creditable distinction. In accordance with his tastes, he has taken up a job in the education department and has risen to the status of a Schools’ Inspector at an early age. He has a son, Srinivasam, who stays with his grandparents while his own father and mother move from place to place, according to the postings of Mukunda Swamy Sastry by the government. It has so happened that in the vast household of Vasudeva Sastry, inspite of so many things going on, three cousins, Srinivasan, Anantharam, and Kuladeepak have found a permanent home. Life does not always sail smooth, and the intriguing presence of death is too demanding and destructive even for this well-grounded family. Suddenly, Anantharam’s father falls sick and leaves a young wife and a five year old son to their own fate. This is a very big blow for even Vasudeva Sastry; all his education in English and Sanskrit does not seem to have come to his rescue. Loss of one daughter is already pinching his heart, but the evil fate of facing a widowed daughter is entwined with many emotional, social, and financial complications. He has done just one thing by drawing his daughter and her son to his side and saying-

“From now onwards, you would be called Chittamma, the small mother of the family. You are immaculate, in your white dhoti, like the flowing Ganga. You  have to hold the grief of loneliness and widowhood like fire in your bosom. But your life has to be led in an able and efficient manner in view of the future of your young son and the rest of the family. That is all - the rest will take care of itself.”

These words are more than the chanting of a mantra for Chittamma. She has looked after her son and all the children in the family, rendering them affectionate care, intellectual companionship and thoughtful coordination. Indeed, the Gundu family owes a lot to this great lady of grit and courage. Achchamamba is a widow, who has been nurtured by Vasudeva Sastry to become a celebrity. On the other hand, Chittamma’s role is confined to her own home, directing all her energies to drive through the turmoils of life with a brave heart and a dignified demeanour. She is not a dependent widow of the family, but that pivotal person around whom the whole household would rotate. Has the future anything in store for the family? While the next pages in the book of this illustrious family, unfold there is a prerequisite. We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking to realise that, in life, a lot depends on the willingness to face all that happens to us; at the same time, we may have to learn the limits and extent to which one can overcome and also what we must make peace with.

CHAPTER I

                                     Born, Bridaled and Shrouded in a Day

“Keep green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come”

                                                                                     Chinese proverb

                        Vasudeva Sastry - the dream come-true of Seshamma is sitting in his huge easychair - an imposing personality and an emblem of awe and austerity. At this moment; he is a bit stressed out and uneasy; is trying to be as composed and calm as he can be. His eldest daughter-in-law,Seshamma is undergoing labour pains in a room. In another corner of the house, a few poets of the family are trying their hand at writing down verses to bring out the best of themselves while under the same roof, a different kind of  activity is going on - a set of singers and instrumentalists are all about to break into music. At the back of all this, there is a lurking doubt whether this offspring of Seshamma would be hale and healthy.

The eldest grandson of Vasudeva Sastry, Srinivasam, is twelve years old now and after him a number of children have died at early infancy. It is with a lot of hope and expectation, the family has been looking forward to this occasion. In the midst of that, the competition is fiercely going on, as to whether the group of musicians or that of the poets is going to disperse the intensity of the atmosphere. While the poets are at the process of gathering together their thoughts, binding them in the right prosody and rhythm, music breaks out, filling the whole atmosphere in waves of warmly felt devotion. While Tyagaraja’s kritis are being sung on the day of Ramnavami, the birthday of Lord Rama - a shrill cry is heard from a distance - Satyavathi - is born. The true music of the Gundu family is going to resonate now - everyone is happy. Especially, the head of the family, the grandfather of the newborn,Vasudeva Sastry, has started to shed tears of joy, getting relieved of all the tension, knotted on his thoughtful brow. Somehow, his intuition has told him that unlike many of her immediate siblings - this girl would live for long. At this juncture, that is enough for him, as his elder son and daughter-in-law have been looking forward for this event with a lot of expectancy and excitement; in fact the family is and has joined them in rejoicing the event.

There is a curious coincidence in the names of people, prior to Vasudeva Sastry and after him in the family. Vasudeva Sastry’s mother is Seshamma, born in Vathyam family and is married to Gundu Mukunda Swami Sastry. Vasudeva Sastry’s son is also Gundu Mukunda Swami Sastry and is married to a girl from the same Vathyam family and her name is also Seshamma. Now they are the proud parents of Srinivasam and Satyavathi. Thanks to the senior Seshamma, the younger one has a huge household of plenty and all the facilities of financial well-being are at her disposal. Her elder son and the newborn are well-taken care of. The impact of English education is outside the doors of the fortress-like house, limited to the office, college buildings and hospitals to be utilized, when needed. The actual life, inside the house, is strictly tradition-bound. Satyavathi is welcome into this world with all the right rituals - cradle ceremony, naming the beautiful girl, giving the first porridge and so on. All these ceremonies weave a solemnity around them when simple acts receive an austerity, performed to the accompaniment of mantras, bringing in the blessings of visible gods like surya (the sun) and the many invisible ones. Though these activities are performed on rare occasions to show the prowess of the family, the daily life is also coloured by these events, giving a special importance to the newborn child and the mother. Satyavathi is growing up, month-to-month, under a careful and caressing atmosphere, toned down by religious austerity and discipline. On her first birthday, a special pooja is performed; it is an occasion for feast and festivity, accompanied with fitting songs, written and composed for the special event.

In tune with all that is happening in the house, Vasudeva Sastry has an idea to perform the upanayanam of his two grand sons - Srinivasam and Anantaram (his second daughter, Chittamma’s son). Preparations are on in full swing, invitations are sent to the near and dear; the celebrities in the field of art and literature like Adibhatla Naryana Dasu and Tirupati Venkateswara Kavulu and all those with whom the members of the family are associated - are all the distinguished guests in this private family function - performed with a lot of public gusto. A grand function for four full days is planned and many customs and traditions are to be followed making all activities of the boys’ further life meaningful. That way daily chores like getting up, taking bath and eating food become solemn duties, dedicated to a divine power; they are transmitted from generation to generation, converting themselves to be established as habitual ways of life, in the social milieu. Here, in this family, Hindu religion is not a strict theoretical text to be followed, but is a bundle of rites, rituals, customs and traditions, that is tried and analysed from time to time. As there are philosophers and poets in the family, each occasion has suitable songs to enter into the very meaning of the various ways of celebrating and conveying the main import through music. That way, giving bath in the early morning is a great event - one of wonder and excitement for the two boys, aged thirteen and eleven, one of dark complexion with bright and black eyes and the other, fair and handsome. First of all, oil, kept in a special silver vessel, is applied to the heads and bodies of the two boys. The intonation of celebration is set when the first drops of oil are put on the heads of the two boys by Sitayamma - the grandmother - while singing is going on to the accompaniment of instrumental music and rhythm. Here also, there is a competition between the poets and the musicians - as to who is going to excel. Of course, no one can judge it and Vasudeva Sastry knows that lyrical ecstasy and musical excellence go together, intertwined, like all the relationships in the family. Next to Sitayamma comes Seshamma to ceremoniously apply oil to her son and nephew. Chittamma is discretely kept at a distance, and is busy with singing, as a widow cannot come to the forefront evento bless her own son and nephew, she has gracefully accepted to be in the background. However, there is a pinprick of painful feeling in the hearts of one and all, especially, her parents. Vasudeva Sastry knows that he has planned all this for the sake of  Ananataram, his grandson, who has to grow up in this world without the beneficiary shadow of his father.
    Once the oil is applied by all the ladies of the house, the boys are blessed by the gents; a few grains of rice, rolled in tumeric powder and a drop of oil, are put on the heads of the boys with the wishes that they should be well-educated and be prosperous; here, the stress in the voice is intoned with a well-deserved ego - after all they are the progeny of the Gundu family - an accomplished one in several fields - they are bound to make their mark. After the bath, the boys, dressed in silk dhotis,
are made to sit on wooden planks. Traditional arati,(waving the flame of a lighted wick, soaked in oil, in circles in front of the two grooms) to the accompaniment of high-pitched singing, goes on again.  

  Now, next in line comes Nandimom banthi,especially planned for some specially invited children, who have recently undergone their thread-ceremonies. Now, Sathyavathi is one year old and all girls in the family are asked to wear yellow dresses. Here the sisters will taste food from their brothers’ plates before the boys are finally declared as dwijas,i.e.,born again. After the ceremony, the boys are supposed to take an austere code of conduct in order to pursue their study of the Vedas. Whether the sacred Sanskrit texts are learnt or not, the ceremony goes on and this is the last time the brother and sister bite and eat the same crispy sweet together. Once the brother and sister enjoy the feast, ladies. dressed in yellow sarees, decked with gold bangles and a number of jewels, surround them with yellow flames of arathis - this is a colourful entry into education, marking the end of childish frolic and fun. Then come in a number of activities, accompanied by mantras to bestow the benefits of strict batchelors’ training, amidst a sacred and serene atmosphere. The whole process is called Yegyopavith Samskar, a ritual of wearing a sacred thread crosswise from the shoulder - lenght-wise, dangling upto the ribs; it is an authorised acceptance into performing the responsibilities of religious rituals. The sacred thread has three strands - each symbolic of Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh. They are also supposed to stand for the three virtues of surrender, devotion and duty towards the mother, father and teacher. It is said that, that drawing one strand from each Veda, Brahma has made a composite string of three strands. It is multiplied by Vishnu with three, i.e., knowledge, action and worship. Chanting the Gayatri mantra, Siva is supposed to have tied an eternal knot; this way, the Yegyopavith comprises of nine threads, each representing of one major God of the Hindu pantheon, symbolic of the basic virtues of life. It is this chanting of Gayatri mantra that is taught in the ceremony. Mukunda Swami Sasry, wraps himself and his son in his upper garment and whispers the mantra in the ear of Srinivasam.This is the mantra and the mantle that is passed on from generation to generation as a gift, a treasure of unbroken sequence and consequence. Later, this charged atmosphere continues amidst the chanting of mantras by several scholars and finally the ceremony is solemnised, arousing the consciousness from slumber into an aware spiritual state. The whole ritual is to strengthen resolution and devotion, leading to a spell of divine consciousness. In spite of all this sanctity, there is also sadness as Chittamma watches her son, being initiated into this all-important discipline,  by not his own father, who is no more, but by a close cousin of his father’s.

   This is the family of function and frolic - Seshamma’s dream, come true. A household of hospitality, spreading far and wide aesthetics and ethics, is maintained by Vasudeva Sastry  with scrupulous care, He has the help of his better half to understand him at every juncture. Sithayamma, in her maidenhood, belongs to a well-reputed family, but not well-off on the financial front, Added to that, a cousin of hers has adopted an orphan child, against the wishes of his elders. So, there is a sort of tension between the families and Sitayamma has chosen to identify her interests with the Gundus, sink and swim with their fortunes. She is an exceptional lady of rare calibre and human care; she exudes her scholarship of mythological stories not in high-brow talk, but in relating them as stories to appeal to children. She is that person who feeds a number of upcoming and needy students at her house. She also sees to it that they properly get an oil bath, every week, going to the extent of applying oil to their heads. Under her able supervision, the thread ceremonies of her two grandchildren are celebrated well. Fifteen days of feasts and fun have rolled together, and the sixteenth is to  come with a jolt for the entire family. The tree which has given habitat for hundreds of people and that son for whom the elder Seshamma has envisioned a bright future, has come to a stumbling block - an insurmountable one for human effort - a realisation that his end is not far behind, That day, in the early morning, Vasudeva Sastry has got up with the knowledge that his hours are numbered. He has called his wife to inform her, in a feeble voice, to keep the show going on - the sixteenth day function culminates the festivity. The two grooms are properly bathed, dressed in new clothes and the other celebrations are on. The whole house, especially, the main entry and doors are decorated with mango leaves and flowers. By the evening, along with sunset, the son of the Gundu family has also set - Vasudeva Sastry has breathed his last. All the garlands of flowers and mango leaves are left dangling to the ground, while Vasudeva Sastry’s body is reverentially taken away from that house, fondly built by him, brick by brick, that home, completed, hour by hour, with the entry of every welcome guest. No one can predict the exit of a human being from this world. Sithayamma has made a vain attempt to quit from this world by choking herself, closing her nose; however, she has fallen into a swoon and would do so throughout her life as there are many deaths ahead for her to face. This coping mechanism of losing consciousness, even for a short while, would have helped the rest of the family. But it is not so; life is to be lived by the living with their own responsibility and accountability. Even the death of a dearly loved one does not put an end to the duties of daily proceedings as there are special forms of reverence to the departed. The obsequies are to be performed with each day, destined for one type of duty (karma). Slowly and steadily, the days have dragged themselves into twelve and all the funeral rites are completed by the evening; then, towards dusk, the near and dear have assembled in the huge hall of the house to bless the the two sons of Vasudeva Sastry - i.e., Mukunda Swamy Sastry and Narahari Sastry. This sad event is also taken to be a pretext to present profuse poetry. In an accomplished family, that too on an occasion like this one, there is no dearth of praise and poetry. But Narahari Sastry has a special emotional tinge in his verses as he has put some nagging questions in the mouths of the children, innocently asking in their quest to grasp the gravity of the situation and cope with the incomprehensible sorrow, all around. Especially, the drastic metamorphosis in the appearance of  Sithayamma - the revered mother, grandmother and also the mother-figure of the household, who used to be an emblem of fortune and favour - what has happened to her? Why has a white wrap replaced her costly and colorful saree.  Oh! Where, where has all her hair gone? How does she look with a clean-shaven head, covered white? Won’t she ever decorate her fair forehead with vermilion powder, her hands with bangles, toes with toe-rings and feet with ankles? Would not the scent of flowers and chandan emit from her beautiful body? Why is she addressed as equal to Ganga and Bhagirathi - is it to remind us that the sacred purity of the flowing waters keeps her alive in untainted whiteness, like the robe in which she is enveloped from top to toe? Everyone, assembled there, knows that there are no answers to these questions and society accepts them for the overall benefit. Apart from these passionate responses, there are many tributes, moving ones, narrating the creditable achievements of Vasudeva Sastry and the exemplary way, he has lived. However, there is one harsh reality - the first innovator of the family, who has brought the two worlds of the East and the West together, has passed away - leaving many cultural, social and financial knots for the children to untangle.

    The children of Vasudeva Sastry have recognised one thing - “After the game, the king and the pawn go back into the same box”. The great and the small, or the celebrated or the insignificant are the same to the leveller - death. But life, for the living, is not a smooth-running one, but is ridden with several struggles and challenges. Mukunda Swamy Sastry has gone back to the place of his posting; he has been managing the finances of the family from a distance, depending upon the interest on bank deposits, his own savings and the small income of his younger brother, who has yet to establish himself as a lawyer. Unlike his father, he is not great to make his presence felt, but is good at heart. Working in the Education Department, he  is lovable and pleasing with simple demeanour and unassuming nature. He is too sensitive to others’ feelings to advise his mother or the other elders of the family to economise on household expenses. But, he himself has cut down on his own needs like the evening snack. The cooperative attitude of his wife, Seshamma, has also helped him as she has managed her household work all alone, dispensing with the cook and the other servant. The main family at Guntur is able to maintain its own gusto and, in a way, it is felt to be necessary, in view of the future of the growing children. While Srinivasam is in the Intermediate class, his marriage is settled with Sarojini, a girl from the neighbouring village, Suddapalli. Sarojini belongs to a family of landlords, who are sturdy, true to their word, practical, realistic and down-to-earth. By this time Gandhi’s non-co-operative movement is in the air, and Narahari Sastry has given up his practice as a mark of protest to the incumbent Government. True to his nature, he is not to bother about the financial implications of his decision. Srinivasam is young and enthusiastic about the ideals of the Indian National Congress and so is the case with Subbayya, Sarojini’s father. While the marriage proposals are taking place,Srinivasam has sent a slip of paper, with a few words, to his would-be father-in-law, to state that he would prefer the marriage to be simple and he and his bride would only wear Khadi(homespun) clothes. This is a solemn pact and the marriage is performed in the village without much pomp and show. Two diagonally opposite types of families have bonded together in this marriage alliance. This is a rare combination - one is highly sophisticated, accomplished and has the power of its officialdom in its veins and arteries; the other is rustic, breathes the free air of fields, does not bother about the finer shades of life, but leads a happy, contented and self-sufficient life. Three months have passed and all the members of the family are in their respective places and routines. Mukunda Swamy Sastry is working in Tuni and has suddenly taken ill. Down with high fever, he has called his wife, who is giving food to Satyavathi. He has somehow expressed how attached he is to her and his daughter with a doubt about his own life and his inherent fear as to how she would face the world in future. Seshamma has nothing to say now, nor ever afterwards as any way things are not going to be in her favour, nor in her hands. Mukunda Swamy Sastry has always kept Satyavathi with him and would not part with her. When the fever has been diagnosed as Typhoid, his whole family from Guntur has come. Slowly, Chittamma has weaned Sathyavathi away, from her father, though some small playing dolls are left in the pockets to be removed from his dead body later. Thus has come the end of a fond father, unprepared from his side, and for the rest, especially, for Seshamma and her children, it is a crashing of the sky and falling, all of a sudden. Tragedies do happen, shattering the lives of all concerned people and drive them to a stunned state. Still, rituals are to be observed and social stigma of  widowhood is to be accepted by Seshamma with stoic indifference. Within a span of five years after Sithayamma, Seshamma has also become a widow. A generation has advanced without much change in the perspective of the people. In fact, things are harder for Seshamma as the protective layer of a joint family is slowly losing its grip. Unlike Sitayamma, Seshamma is not the mistress of the house, and, ironically, - is still a daughter-in-law, a dependent one with small children. Seshamma’s mother, Sundaramma too became a widow when she was about thirty five and Seshamma was too small even to remember her father. But  Sundaramma’s  brother-in-law ,Bhogappayya Sastry, is her foster father and is still ready to look after her, whenever needed. But the scenario has changed in the Gundu family drastically during the five years between the deaths of Vasudeva Sastry and Mukunda Swamy Sastry, adding to the problems of Seshamma. She has no option but to live in that household where she doesn’t have any control. Especially, Narahari Sastry, in spite  of his being a deep thinker, a devoted poet, is not bothered about the day-to-day demands of the family and its dependence on a regular income.On the other hand,Seshamma is trained by her husband in self-sufficiency and in seeing to it that the family’s budget is within the inflow of its income. She is conscious of the dwindling finances of the family, but is unable to raise her voice against it due to the demands of expected etiquette. Another thing that is still more painful is that almost all the functions in the family are to be performed without any failure as a tone is set to think that it is a part of their prestige. Under such circumstances, events just go on, adding good and bad to be accounted for as a consequence and a sequence. In the next five years, Srinivasam has completed his B.A.and B.L.as Seshamma’s discretion to keep her husband’s Insurance money, in-tact for their son’s education has served the purpose. Chittamma and Narahari Sastry are in search of a fitting match for Satyavathi - and have found one in Chennai - a brilliant boy in the first year of Intermediate. The boy is raised by his mother and her brother as he has lost his father at an early age. For the groom and his mother, Satyavathi’s  family is a very well-to-do and cultured one. Keeping up to the image, created, the marriage is performed with all pomp and show. The sentiment is that the fatherless girl should have all the privileges  of a well-knit family. The kanyadan, the ceremony of giving away the bride, is done by the brother and his wife,Srinivasam and Sarojini. This is not to part with the precious person of the house, but to make a sweet gesture of give and take, a bonding that would tie the two couples together for ever. The bride and bridegroom are taken out on an elephant in a procession. The bride is too small to climb up to the loft specially decorated for the purpose, while for the boy, it is just easy and he is already there. While Satyavathi is struggling to put her steps on the ladder, her toe-rings have fallen down and she herself would have slipped, but for the timely help of her husband. His hand is there for her to take and go up. Perhaps this would be the only bodily touch between the husband and wife and a sweet memory in later life. To culminate the marriage celebrations, a reception is arranged and almost all acquaintances are invited, irrespective of their religions - the newly wed couple is blessed by a number of people, belonging to completely opposite loyalties and faiths - Hindus,Christians, Muslims and people, owing their allegiance to the Brahmo Samaj, Arya Samaj and the Theosophical Society. Though the marriage is solemnised in a traditional way, taking into account all the customs, the couple is blessed by the entire cultural milieu, symbolic of the best of the society.

     After the glitter and glamour of celebrations, one touches the hard ground of reality and Narahari Sastry has done that. He has to maintain the show of the family but has no money for it. Yet his loyalty to his niece is such that he is prepared to face any humiliation for her sake. Now, it is his responsibility to go to Chennai and bring home the bridegroom for the first Diwali after the marriage. His pocket has got too many holes to afford two tickets for both of them. So, he has bought one ticket for his son-in-law and given it to him. He himself has travelled, ticketless, carefully avoiding himself from the searching eyes of the Ticket-Collector. The young gentleman is blissfully unaware of all this; a boy of sixteen, brought up without the benefits of a large family, is looking forward to a strong and secure household to celebrate a bright and colourful Diwali. Of  course, he is not going to be disappointed. The preparations have been on, since the previous night,  for the celebration of Narakachaturdasi in the early morning. Narahari Sastry is all enthusiasm with a boyish glow and thrill, lighting his face, in laboriously making the effigy with grass and bamboo sticks to resemble the rakshasa(demon). All the children are involved in this activity, while one cuts paper for the garment, another fixes a cap; the smaller children are busy in stuffing the hands or feet with fireworks and the head with a bomb so that the end comes with a bang. Though all of them are tired, due to the activities, late into night, they are too excited to sleep. When deep slumber seems to have touched their eye-lids, they are woken up and surprisingly, they are all ready and alert to receive the call and obey without any resistance. Immediately after brushing their teeth, all the members of the family, from the eldest,Sithayamma to Rajeswari, the youngest, the darling daughter of Narahari Sastry. have assembled in the backyard. In ordinary days, this is a Tennis court, but, today, it is Narahari Sastry’s privilege to set fire to the effigy of Narakasura there amidst revelry and profuse lighting of fireworks. In order to celebrate the death of Narakasura, sweets are distributed to one and all, including the servants. Now the usual festivities follow - oil-bath,wearing new clothes,taking arati and song-singing. While, for all the members of the family this is another function, for Satyavathi’s husband, this is the first opportunity in his life to come across so many elderly people, showering affection on him, and a number of children, playing in abandon, under the trees in the vast courtyard. In the evening, the whole palace-like house is illuminated with lines and lines of earthen lamps, making Deepawali, worth it’s name, real rows and rows of lights. The water tank in the courtyard is also surrounded with lamps so that the small lights get reflected in the water. Even the slightest breeze would bring waves into the water, creating a beautiful turmoil of lights on the night of Amavasya (the dark night of the month); the lights on the earth either compensate for the absence of the moon in the sky, or, it may be said that his (moon’s) absence is not conspicuous on this particular dark night. Adding to this rendezvous of lights, there is another feat or feast to the eyes, organized by the children. Each child comes out with a branch of a tree, cut and trimmed up with only small twigs and a few leaves, spreading out like a fan; a number of wicks, soaked in oil, are tied to the several ends and lighted. Each child would present the ingenious plant of illumination, bid farewell to the present day of festivity and would also welcome another happy reunion for the next Deepawali. No one, not even the sanest person would know what is in store for the next year. This display of happiness and love of well-knit family has impressed Satyavathi’s husband, but he has to leave for Chennai, in view of his studies. He has left with a heavy heart, missing all the near and dear; one question has cropped up in his mind, while getting into the train. Has he seen his child-wife even for a single moment, perhaps not. She may be one of all those kids who have stolen the show on the previous night. If he is too young to make any attempt to meet her, she is still younger and would not even understand his gesture. She is always busy, playing with her cousins.

The family’s fortunes haven’t touched the zenith of expectations as Srinivasan is still struggling for a foothold to start his practice as a lawyer. His uncle hasn’t set a good example for him and he knows now that he should have regular income. A confidential conversation between Seshamma and Srinivasam has opened a fresh chapter. This is the decision of the second Seshamma, in the family - to go away from the comfort zone of known environment and seek a livelihood somewhere else, that too at a humble level. Seshamma has told him to accept a job in the Revenue Department and he would also come up in that field like her own, uncle Bhogapayya Sastry. Srinivasam has followed - this father-figure of her mother - in many respects and this taking of a job is one of them. Finally, the son of the second Mukunda Swamy Sastry has gone to Kurnool to join his first posting.

Things seem to have turned to run on an even keel for Seshamma, but it is not so as the bottom-most point in her life is just approaching. Barely a year has passed after Satyavathi’s marriage, and suddenly, the eleven-year old has sensed a hush in the atmosphere when she has woken up to the sunrise, as usual, in the morning. Nothing is seen, but silent tears, no sound but for sobs and slightly audible whispers. This girl, an ordinary one among a number of children, gets sudden attention. In all the games, played - Snake and Ladder, Ludo, Carroms or Hide and Seek or whatever it may be, there are no rivalries, no childish quarrels over a fraction of a point to scrabble. With a surprising consensus among all the cousins, especially Anantaram and Kuldeepak - which has surpassed Satyavathi’s imagination,  she is always declared the winner. What is the reason for all this? Satyavathi is not told as she is considered to be too young to comprehend that her husband has died due to a fatal fever in Chennai. She may not know anything, but she feels everything. There is a heart, sensitive to each vibration around; it is imposed with invincible power to go on palpitating for long years in future, but would preserve in it - a scar - an indelible mark, a sinking feeling that brings one down for no perceptible reason. Srinivasam receives this news at Kurnool and rushes to Guntur with one nagging question - would his dear sister be wrapped in white? Is this the way to lead life - a dead one, denied of all pleasures?                                                             

   

                                                     

                                             CHAPTER II

                                                Contra-Current Cultures

“This above all, to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man”

                                                                       

                                                 William Shakespeare

            

        Srinivasam’s fears are all well-founded; the scenario is such. He has seen his aunt, maternal and paternal grandmothers, and of course, his own mother - all of them living a life - may God forbid it - would Sathyavathi’s also be like that of theirs? The scene in Chennai on the tenth day of the boy’s death is one of sorrow and desolation for the mother; but she has shown a rare sense of sublime discretion. Seeing a distant relative, coming there with a barber and white sari for the eleven year old, she has become so furious and ferocious that the other relatives have to take care of it by driving away the two - the barber and the relative out of the house. She herself has gone through the ordeals of tonsuring the head and wearing only white, but would not allow, an innocent child, to go through all that. Satyavathi and her family are advised to go back to Guntur as if nothing has happened and to let her lead her life as a normal child does. But, it is not easy when there are many people around, are more than ready to give an opinion and are eager to see to it that it is implemented.  Almost  all the women in the house, inspite of being weighed down by grief, have kept their heads erect in a protest against any change in Satyavathi’s appearance. But the sorrow of Sundaramma, Seshamma’s mother, is beyond all proportions in reacting against God’s injustice. As far as her own self and her daughter are concerned, they have shared the pleasures and pains of life, have had children and, in a way ultimate reconciliation has taken place. But,here, three generations of widows, from both the paternal and maternal sides(i.e., Sithayamma, Seshamma and Sathyavathi and, Sundaramma, Seshamma and Sathyavathi), ending up with a eleven year old, who hasn’t even touched her puberty - is impossible for her to bear with. Bhogappayya Sastry and Srinivasam, Theosophists to the core, have assured her that Satyavathi would be taken care of - landed property on her name is purchased and she would be properly educated. Still, it is impossible to get her out of the depression, and she is sent to Banaras for a change. However,she has found that this holy city has an unholy smell of not only bad hygiene, but of deceitful and double-faced people. Attracting the sinner and the saint alike, the city with the sacred Ganga and the luminous Lingam(the venerated image of Siva) is not a pilgrim’s paradise as it is supposed to be. The seeker in Sundaramma is annoyed to see that a lot of sin, in the name of social norm is perpetuated there, day in and day out. Thus Sathipradha(the burning of the wife on the funeral pyre of the husband), an illegal act, is still going on and is commended as a glorified act, instead of being condemned. She is aghast to see how a law becomes helpless, unless, close behind it, stands a warm and living public opinion. She is awakened to a new reality and has started believing in undoing the man-made miseries, though tragedies may be according to God’s will. Guntur and Gundu family are far different from what she has witnessed in Varanasi, as in her place, reformers are up in arms against social injustice to women. Change is in the air and coming to Guntur, her heart has opened to a universe of possibilities. She has seen in her grandson’s will the power to transform society’s forte.   

    Revolution and rebellion are too strong words to be put into practical life. Srinivasam is an early rebel and too emotionally attached to his sister to tolerate any social stigma against her. But sometimes, social norms are too stupid to stand any logic or reason. On one occasion, when Sathyavathi is insulted by a relative for coming to the fore-front on a festive day, Srinivasam is up against the whole system in rage. Chittamma has silently led him into a room and is forced to lock him inside till he has cooled down. Courtesy demands a calm demeanour and firm control over one’s own emotions. We have to put a check on our own emotions rather than on the whole lot of people around us. Slowly, Narahari Sastry and Kodandapani(the husband of the elder aunt and father of Kuladeepak) have convinced Srinivasam that things can be taken care of with composure rather than through head-on collision. Both of them are poets, deep thinkers and are staunch Gandhians. Added to that Brahmeswari, Narahari Sastry’s wife and Kodandapani’s daughter is very much attached to Satyavathi and would always look after her as if she were her elder daughter. While these are all educated and sophisticated people, on the other hand, the relatives from the village, dedicated to their farm also have something to say. Sarojini, Srinivasam’s wife and her parents look far into the future of this girl and are satisfied that landed property is acquired on her behalf. They are open in saying that land is more important than gold as it would earn money; in fact, in their families, it is a custom to purchase land for each child; especially for girls, orphaned or widowed, extra care is taken to add landed property on their name and preserve the revenue, earned, only for their needs in future. That would give social security, financial stability and an overall ability to live independently.

   Thus everyone in the vicinity has something to contribute, a say in the stake. In all fairness; it should be said that they are all well-wishers and want to make amends for what destiny has done to Sathyavathi. But the vigilant alone can view the vacuum in her life. How does she spend her days and nights - what does she do with her time - extended to too long a life to bear with? Srinivasam and Sarojini have started their life at Kurnool with a small son, again named, Mukunda Swamy Sastry.  Now, Seshamma and Satyavathi have also followed them. Satyavathi is admitted into a school and her music classes have also started, teaching her vocal and violin. She is good at studies and is exceptionally sharp in grasping music. Here, at Kurnool, without the aura of an influential family, she is able to rub shoulders with ordinary middle-class people; goes to school like any other girl in the neighbourhood. In the school, she has got new-found freedom and her talent in music is appreciated. She has rare occasions to perform on the stage in musical dramas and they are treasured moments for her. When she sings, it is as natural as that of a bird; she does it just to please herself. In fact, there is a ring of music in her being, an authenticity and originality of feeling oozes out of her voice whenever she sings; she plays violin as if it were a living archestra. Her interest in music has made her express the inexpressible; those intractable thoughts, stored in her deep recesses, those vibrations of intensely felt moments have found a mirror in a song of Tyagaraja or Potana, where the Infinite Supreme is caught as an enticing entity in the picture of Rama. When she sings these songs, it is a creative process, an emotional harmony. Her listeners consist of a close circle of friends; they feel a pleasant identification of the self, the outer with the inner, - a realisation like that of Tyagaraja, listening to the footsteps of Rama, on His walk to his house(nadachi vachchitiva na intidaka). This is not an expression of intellectual mastery over musical techniques, but an emotional intensity, palpitating in the inner spaces. All these abilities are appreciated by her maternal grandfather and uncles. But her paternal uncle, Narahari Sastry has found in her a fitting voice to all his compositions. Theirs is a rare combination, when the poet and composer struggles with sound and sense to the accompaniment of Satyavathi’s violin; ultimately, they emerge with a great piece of art, where meaning and music are perfectly meddled together. Her uncle has given her that faith in her voice and that ring of sincerity and simplicity, emerging out of self-surrender in devotion either to a deity, deed or deep-felt emotion. In this free flow, there is no scope for exaggerated norms of scholarship or contradictory values of authorities. Her singing is like that of the pleasant sun that shines in the morning on a blue-cast sky. The warmth doesn’t burn, blind or consume, but gives the feeling of heaven arching over earth without crashing or devouring. It is like the smell that emanates from natural flowers, not the pungent scent of artificial products. Satyavathi has grown up like a child, sometimes, annoying her elders with her childish behaviour, but overall, she has got an enticing child-like personality.

   The ways of adversity are rather strange and life doesn’t run in a smooth way. Suddenly, Sathyavathi becomes sick and starts getting fits; either in school or anywhere else, she falls to the ground, unconscious. She does regain her consciousness in a few moments, but it is dangerous to leave her alone. Abruptly, her education comes to a stop and expert medical opinion is sought. The advice is that, she, in her teens, may be suppressing her natural desires and marriage may solve this medical problem of hers. It is proved that life is like a pendulum, ceaselessly swinging, back and forth; in spite of serious efforts to come to the calm centre, there would be some stir or other to keep the oscillation going on. Again, there are diverse opinions, coming forth, and there is a cultural turmoil. People are exposed to the education of English and word from distant lands is at their disposal. Gandhiji has brought in a surge of expectancy in the hearts of people to look at themselves with a new perspective, a new awakening to accountability and responsibility. In Andhra, people like Kandukuri Veeresalingam, with his fierce approach against the victimisation of women, has exposed people to new ideas of giving a respectable place to women in the society, educating them, making them independent and even marrying young widows. Srinivasam has come to a turning point in his thinking; he is welling up with progressive ideas and has got a group of friends with a similar mentality. Infused with an enthusiastic spirit to revolt against the existing order in the society, a close friend of Srinivasam has offered to marry Satyavathi. Now, the tug of war has started between two trends of thinking; on one side, the young and early rebels and on the other - are the staunch upholders of tradition. In such situations, mutual opposition goes on and on without any proper conclusion. Everyone has an opinion of one’s own and quite a vehement one at that; no one seems to consider one crucial issue. In this changed atmosphere, what is happening to Satyavathi? It is here, Sarojini steps in with exceptional insight and extraordinary sagacity. She has approached Satyavathi with her own son, the third Mukunda Swamy in the family, in her arms, and as soon as Satyavathi and Sastry are together, they have started playing. Then Sarojini says:

“For how long would you remain just a child and forget your loneliness? Won’t you like to have a family of your own? Would you like to think of Mr. Deekshit, who is willing to marry you?”

But Satyavathi has nothing to rebel against, nor is she a self-pitying person to enter into a spell of depression. She is clear in her ideas and would have no regrets for this decision of hers even in her later life. Her answer is:

“I know that a lot of of turmoil has been going on in the family in view of my future. But, I don’t want to go against destiny. I am in tune with the will of God and gracefully accept whatever has happened. I trust you and confide to you even those things which I cannot share with my mother and my two grand-mothers. In my plight, they re-live their own losses and are all sympathy for me. But I hate to see those tearful faces and their explicit concern. I love my aunt, Chittamma, whose implicit affection for me is evident in the subtle way in which she supports me to learn music, dress myself, as I like, and to play pranks with children. You are like my friend and understand my feelings. I don’t want to crave for that life which has been denied to me by God; perhaps, that is my destiny and I accept it. Yourself, my brother and Sastry are my family and I am happy with that. Please take my word for it.”

This is Satyavathi’s understanding of herself and somehow, with her own unassuming and calm approach to life, her sickness is also cured. Unlike the people around her, she is neither a rebel nor a relentless follower of set-down rules. She  neither evinces a prolonged sign of sticking to the age-old faith, nor is she enthusiastic about the strong idealism, floating around her. Born and bred amidst celebrities with a firm opinion of their own and a set course for the future of the family in general, she has got an uncanny way of looking at things within her limited orbit. Sarojini is with her in whatever she does; the two sisters-in-law in relationship are more twin-sisters in spirit. There is a contradiction between the age-old existing systems and the new-found value-system - with the institutions that have developed around them. People believe in the new ideals and there is a nascent energy,emerging out of that transformation, which would aspire to apparently sweep away the incumbent social order. But the reality is not that easy; each change has got it’s own course to take; outward life may change; but the roots of the human psyche are too deep to be forcibly plucked without hurting; some hearts do bleed. It is a fragile situation and only people, sensitive like Sarojini, can tackle the issue sensibly. Sane discretion in discovering the complication of cultural clashes imposes a check on an insane pursuit of impossibilities without undergoing a soul-searching process There are certain inner instincts and intuitions that do not match with either of the two trends - the incumbent and the upcoming. Current public opinion has got its own pride and prejudice; Satyavathi has not chosen to live like a public figure, veiled under the colours and costumes of recognition. She is just satisfied with her own life, fulfilling the simple wants and desires of an ordinary private venture, putting her potential to its ultimate use. She is just a woman, in love with children. Does she look after children without being a mother? No;.the birth of a child is naturally accompanied by the throes of pain, but in her case, a huge tragedy has to take place. Crisis after crisis occur, but in the time of test, family is best. Fortunes may change, finances may touch an all-time low; the loss may take one to the bottom most point. It seems that there is nothing more to lose; but family loyalties are unique; they give one the needful - i.e., that much-sought-after sense of achievement - a universal value.                                 

                                            

                                      CHAPTER III

                                     MOTHERHOOD BESTOWED

                           “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal

                             Love leaves a memory no one can steal.”                                                             

                                                                                 Rabindranath Tagore

…

    Relativity is based on the fact that perception changes according to the observer’s state. It is only the strength of perception, framed by the family, as a unit, that has enabled Satyavathi to withstand the crisis of contra-current cultures. In an otherwise distraught family, a connectivity is attained due to the web of relationships, knit around, with threads of sympathetic vibrations in love. The wind in the outside world may carry several opinions and options, creating a turmoil, but a harmony is to be brought out within and without, listening to that inner voice, that conscience,which has been let to grow through the Collective Unconscious of several generations. There is a sense of belonging to the beliefs, brought forward, and Sathyavathi is of the opinion that once, she is denied the pleasures of marriage, she would not aspire for them again; she would remain a virgin widow.

   Life seems to run smooth at Kurnool with the loving care of the family here and at Guntur. Frequent visits do take place as and when the occasion demands, in spite of financial constraints. Narahari Sastry has run into too many debts to manage and things have come up to that precipitating point that some claims have come up to Kurnool, at Srinivasam’s office, creating an embarrassing situation for him. He is compelled to go to Kurnool, on the advice of his boss, to strike a deal on a legal document that he would not inherit the ancestral property and may be exempted from the responsibility of clearing the debts, incurred by his uncle. But Satyavathi is blissfully unaware of these complications. Her life is like a natural stream that knows how to flow at reduced speeds at an apparently unseen pace like a channel  of water that maintains a slow motion, deep down the layers of frozen waters and has learnt to run on through crevices in obedience to her own inner nature. She doesn’t seem to show any extraordinary quest to expand the horizon of her life, nor does she deem herself to be a diminished, insignificant creature to be circumscribed by the adversities of fate. Though her education has come to an abrupt end due to ill health and lack of interest, she is happy with her music. She would learn whatever she listens to, making notation on violin and fixing the rhythm with her own basic knowledge. The latest cinema shows cannot be missed by her if there are good songs; whatever may be the genre, devotional, classical music or popular, ear-catching songs - she would learn them. She would see the same show several times to grasp their musical quality; the money is not wasted as everyone in her contact would get a verbatim report of whatever she has witnessed, including the dialogues and songs. That is her forte, a speciality and a typical attraction in her, being a grown up baby - an embodiment of childish enthusiasm. Whatever she sees at Kurnool, would be recast at Guntur on her visits; however, even she has observed a peculiar feature in her uncle, Narahari Sastry. He is all love for her, but would not come to see her off at the station;  a small packet of eatables, Satyavathi’s preferred favorites, would be sent. She is too absorbed by her uncle’s affection to understand that he doesn’t have the required amount of money to purchase tickets for her and her mother; hence the absence. The financial mess of this uncle could have been somehow solved, had fate not been too cruel and a crunching crisis has not happened.

On one of the visits of Seshamma and Satyavathi to Guntur, the huge household of the Gundu family has the same apparently happy outlook. Brahmeshwari has come to the front door to receive them with a smiling face; she is in full pregnancy and is looking tender and beautiful like a jasmine flower. In fact, she exudes the smell of her benevolent nature, wherever she goes. She has Rajeswari, her daughter, behind her, tucking to the end her dress, and twining her fair palm with the dangling threads of her mother’s sari. Actually, this visit is meant for helping Brahmeshwari, during the time of her delivery. The following day, there is a small function to celebrate the coming event. As all the children have grown up and settled down in their professions - Anantharam as a doctor and Kuldeepak Roy as a lawyer - there are only two children in the house. In fact, Rajeswari is the only child as Satyavathi is twenty years old now. But, for Brahmeshwari, she is still a  child. In the morning, Brahmeshwari has put Satyavathi’s new sari, an expensive silk one, in the bathroom, and has asked her to take bath and wear it. When Satyavathi comes out, beaming with the pleasure of wearing a beautiful sari, she sees her aunt in tears. Assuming that Satyavathi is not around, being still in the bathroom, the elderly lady is cursing her own fate for not being able to give the new sari to her niece, ceremoniously with tumeric, vermillion powder and flowers. This is just a momentary memory, a passing phase of sorrowful thought in the supposed absence of Satyavathi. Later, she is very enthusiastic about a show, the next day, and has even purchased tickets for her own brother and Satyavathi. But they are not going to see the cinema, but would witness something - a heart-rending tragedy. The following day, Brahmeshwari has started getting labour pains and the doctor is called for; but somehow, the baby has to be forcibly taken out by forceps and something has gone wrong, disrupting the veins and profuse bleeding has started. All the experts are brought in and whatever is humanly possible has been done. Brahmeshwari has given birth to a cute daughter, but has died in the process. Everyone is too shocked to think of anything else; Narahari Sastry, accompanied by the other relatives and friends has gone to the cremation ground, has surrendered his wife’s body to the burning flames, and has come back home with an equally burning heart. When everyone else is otherwise occupied, Seshamma and Satyavathi have been taking care of the infant and are there at the corner of the house, waiting for Narahari Sastry. It is Seshamma’s cautious and tentative approach to guard the living infant and her capacity to translate traumatic experience into meaningful expression that have come to the rescue of the whole lot, lost in sorrow. No one else can dare to face Narahari Sastry, distraught and directionless; he is too emotional a person to come to terms with reality. Seshamma gently consoles him and tries to hand over the new-born baby into his arms. But Narahari Sastry reacts with a sort of aversion, an angry and vehement question as to why should this girl not be surrendered to the burning flames. Indeed, according to him, she deserves that, by being responsible for her mother’s death. Seshamma knows what a deep thinker her brother-in-law is and also, she is fully aware of the fact that no philosophy comes to one’s aid when it is direly needed, when the nearest and dearest is no more. She herself does not know much, but has epitomized all reality in the following quote, saying that she doesn’t know who the author is: “Men do not mirror themselves in running water - they mirror themselves in still waters. Only that is still can still the stillness of the other things.” Narahara Sastry’s sense of agility has woken up and he is able to recollect that it is Chuana Tzu who has said that. Trying to regain some tranquility, he has extended, his hands to accept the baby and listen to what his sister-in-law is going to say. She is no scholar, but has acquired the wisdom to know what would be necessary in adversity - to be alive to that invincible ray of hope - at the present moment - the live and kicking baby. Her words carry the wisdom, brought forward from several generations, and is to be remembered for long afterwards, in distant future:

“It is but natural for you to be distraught in this moment of intense agony. The stream of life is in turmoil for all of us, and especially for you, nothing is visible excepting darkness. That is human limitation; however much we may try, we cannot bring Brahmeshwari back to life.”

She breaks down now and is unable to find words for a moment. Then, regains herself, grits her teeth in determination proceeds to say:

“At the same time, it would be criminal to ignore this child, a beam of light from the Infinite and Eternal; please let us keep her untainted by our views of vice and virtue. She is Brahmeswari’s last gift to the Gundu family, and it is her right to be amidst us. From now onwards, she is Satyavthi’s child; as my daughter is too inexperienced to look after this raw mass of flesh and blood, like a small egg soaked in blood, I shall take up the responsibility of rearing this rare piece of God’s work. I request you to give her a name.”  

Narahari Sastry has called her Kadali (plantain), a symbolic name because banana tree is cut off at the trunk as soon as it fructifies. Seshamma has a pet name “Ammalu”, which is used by the family in general while Chittamma’s sense of poetry and contextual relevance have officially named her as “Premalatha”, the creeper of love. She has indeed grown up like a creeper of love, endearing herself to one and all.
       As fate would have it, things seemed to have turned in Narahari Sastry’s favour before Brahmeswri’s death, when he accepted the position of Receiver in the Court at Guntur. As is his wont, he would indulge in catering to the comforts of the people at home and even after his wife’s death, due to his job, there is a steady flow of income. However, he is not that sort of a person to maintain a balance sheet of debts and assets, nor would he bother himself to involve anyone else in it. Seshamma and Chittamma cannot take things easy and Chittamma’s house in the neighbourhood, with her son’s family. has come to their rescue. So these two ladies, saving money from day-to-day expenses, would purchase small ornaments and playthings in gold and silver, so that there are some assets for the two girls - Rajeswari and Ammalu in the long run - and keep them in Chittamma’s house. It is a pact between the two sisters-in-law to save something for future while the father himself is unaware of what is going on around him. He would not because he cannot come to terms with the reality of life in any manner and the mental stress has taken a toll of his health. Within ten months, he has developed diabetes, and one day, he has come back from his office with a big boil on his back, later to be diagnosed as carbuncle and be operated upon. This great poet has realised that he won’t live for long. The family has also come to a painful awareness of what is going to happen. Vasudeva Sastry has built a huge house and fortune for his family. Mukunda Swamy Sastry has maintained the property in-tact and has left his own wife and children with at least his insurance money and under the guardianship of a socially and financially secure family. But Narahari Sastry doesn’t seem to have thought of anyone even during the last moments. Sitting  on his bed, resting his back against a whitewashed wall, due to intense pain of the open wound, full of pus, when asked by an Advocate friend as to what he would leave for his mother and two small daughters, with a pale face, his answer is “Nothing”. He did leave a number of debts to be settled by Chittamma and Srinivasam. That nephew of Narahari Sastry, who has a taken a Degree in Law, against all odds, so that he would practise with his uncle, could not do so, and had to give up all his rights in the ancestral property in view of keeping his own life and career safe from the financial mess, his uncle has run into. But now, the situation is different. Money matters can be mentally set apart and may be managed with logic and discretion. However, when a huge tragedy takes place, all  of a sudden, an intensely emotional situation arises, imposing its own responsibility and accountability. Things have to be taken care of; firm and merciless decisions are to follow without a second thought or any sentimental attachment. Chittamma and Srinivasam have decided to dispose off the house, that one which Vasudeva Sastry has built, brick by brick, with the hope that his children and grandchildren would live there for generations together. After clearing all the pending accounts, a small house is purchased in the neighbourhood for practical purposes of bare living. Limited landed property is acquired to ensure some income for Sithayamma and her grand daughters,Rajeswari and Ammalu. Within a few months, after her father’s death, Rajeswari is married to a boy, living at Rajahmundry. Under these circumstances, when everything is going against him, Srinivasam is unable to resist the social norms of marrying the girl at an early age. The boy has not even completed his high school and the girl herself is too young for a responsibility like marriage. This is something which has happened beyond the capability and control of Srinivasam and he would never console himself nor reconcile with the situation. The only thing, that he can do for this cousin of his, is giving comfort and support, whenever needed. However, the lessons learnt by him here, would stand in good stead for him, in taking decisions in the case of Ammalu and others, later.

     At one time, for the Gundu family, there used to be a house at Guntur to stay, a huge roof to live under, and give protection and security. Under the shadow of an earning member, a head of the family, and strong support system, decisions taken by many can be easily implemented. However, now, in the changed context, the family has no option, but to move to Kurnool and settle down in a small house. The head-quarters, the main stronghold of the family,has to change its venue far from Guntur, that place, which has been the home-town for generation together to Kurnool.

    Revolutions come and go, keeping a continuous impact on the on-going events of life, like storms; but evolution is a slow process that seems to go at a snail’s pace, enters into the blood and bones of the body, selects the right elements and shapes the personalities, endowing solid potential to rise to the occasion and do the needful. Now, Satyavathi’s role in life has changed, but not as for any girl of her age, with an attractive home and a loving partner. She has to live with many and has now the additional responsibility of being a mother; when, Ammalu, the small girl in her lap calls her “amma”(mother), she is put in touch with the most creative paths of life, leading to sublime satisfaction. Satyavathi is not a person to give her passionate pursuit great names, nor is she inclined to question the adequacy of what one desires and deserves, and what is ultimately deemed fit to be done. She is the one who seeks the simplicity of life and reduces the dimensions of her ambition to the plain needs of an infant daughter. Here her life is shaped not by external events, but by what happens in the heart of hearts, by holding a dialogue with herself - an invention and reinvention that goes on and on in accordance with the emotional needs, responding to each call of a demanding baby’s dirty jobs; previously, she didn’t have the proper mental frame for it and has started acquiring it with the help of her mother and her vadina(sister-in-law), Sarojini. These two experienced women know that even for a natural mother, the task is a hard one; for Satyavathi,she, herself, in a way, a child, pampered and spoilt, it is quite difficult, if not impossible. A humane approach is needed to make the process of adjustment a wholesome one. Perhaps, a human being alone has the choice either to evolve or be selected for extinction. Here, the process of evolution starts at a humble level, not on the podium of public places, nor on the front pages of newspapers. It is an ordinary effort, an acceptance of fate, an adjustment of desire and destiny. This act of Satyavathi is not a sacrifice nor a magnanimous task in her mind; it is something natural and a beautiful coincident that has come her way. In doing this, Satyavathi’s face is always radiant and beautiful, graciously alive to the baby’s needs. Perhaps, this is a part of finding herself, the true one at that, and there is a contentment in her being; she is able to spread a loving atmosphere, serving as an anchor to the others in the discontinuous continuity or the continuous discontinuing of the ever-changing life around. That is why it is said that the by-product of love is peace within and without. She is no longer the unlit lamp to be set aside, or fall down unconscious, but a burning candle to show light to herself and to others.

No one would have thought that when Brahmeshwari died and Ammalu was born, imperceptible to the physical eye, another mother was born. Is she waiting for the role, or has the role been waiting for her, we don’t know.There is a metamorphosis that has taken place from a child to a woman and then to a mother, to do justice to the saying “The mother is everything, she is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness.” Satyavathi’s life is a soliloquy - a self-expression - a simple way of singing the song of creation and doing her part - there is neither satire nor cynicism, but a positive celebration of the small occurrences of life. Her presence has become as asset and Srinivasam has given her a key role in the very functioning of the family. What Blake says, serves my argument in this context: “Man’s desires are limited by his perceptions; None can desire what he has not perceived”. Satyavathi has perceived her own desires and has limited her life to them in a harmonious and holistic manner. The new entity of the family, far away from Guntur, with a new identity has started. Is this a challenge to the second Seshamma - another trend-setter?

                                   

                    

                                            CHAPTER IV

                                  Blossoming Relationships

“Being loved by someone gives you  strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage”

                                                                                                                   Lao Tzu

Seshamma is mentally so well-furnished that she can make a whole out of a fractured world;can pick up pieces from the ground and prove that the world is indeed our “kaleidoscope; and the varying combinations and colours, which, at every succeeding moment, it presents” to us “are the exquisitely adjusted pictures” of our “ever-moving thoughts”. (James Allen) In systems’ theory, we learn that life has emerged out of a single cell, building up a net of relationships, extending and growing up into huge organisms. If we steal a page from nature’s book, a family too develops like that to prove that unique entity is one of nature’s masterpieces. For the Gundu family, the grandeur and glory of Vasudeva Sastry seems to have gone along with the family fortunes; they may not even be great, but they have the grit; there is something that has remained - that urge to preserve a value-system. Life may have reduced to the level of catering to the simple, bare necessities, but the thinking capacities are kept at an enviably high level. Kurnool, with its people of plain-hearted and open nature, has given them the opportunity to connect in friendly contact; this is a new context for all of them - i.e., here the bonding is not due to blood-relationship or some common links of give and take, but it is a kind of sharing of ideas, attitudes and approaches to certain basic happenings of life like bare living with others in a common community - a human colony. The aristocracy of living aloof from the others has been replaced by a close-knit companionship of natural exchange of eatables, cooking patterns, celebrating functions, performing birthdays and what not.

Life seems to have taken a turn to a different - a more lively one, because of the enthusiasm of all of the members. Everything is an excitement; for example, the Ganapathi pooja is performed in a new set up with a small wooden mandir (place where small idols of God are put. This mandir has historical significance as it is kept in-tact in our house till today as a token of the first Ganesh pooja, performed by the family at Kurnool.) Especially, this is the first pooja, performed by Sastry, when he is three years old, a boisterous boy, beaming with energy. The festival starts with taking oil bath in the morning. The process of applying oil to Sastry and Ammalu is done by Sityamma, now a lady, reduced to simplicity in all respects of her life - but she forgets her sorrow in telling the children a beautiful story and how important taking an oil bath on that particular day is. The story goes that, at one time, Goddess Parvathi also took an oil bath and in the process, applied oil and later chickpea powder to her body. She patiently rubbed her body to take out the paste and collected it into a ball and made a beautiful idol of a handsome boy with it. As she was a goddess, she made this idol alive by life-giving breath; asked him to stand at the door to guard her privacy, while bathing. Meanwhile, Lord Siva, her husband came in and was surprised to see that he was not allowed to go in. The great God could not bare this and broke the neck of the small boy, tearing apart his head. However, Parvathi would not see her child like that and hence Shiva had to fetch the head of an elephant and bring the darling boy of Parvathi back to life. That is why he is called Gajanana, the elephant-faced God. Sitayamma is well-versed in poems and songs to make her story interesting. For Sastry, this is a rare feat; later his grandmother and mother give him bath, Satyavathi would comb his hair and dress him up in new clothes. Then follows Ammalu to undergo the same process, but she is tenderly handled as she is delicate and still a year old. Srinivasam and Satyavathi would take the well-dressed children out to collect flowers from the neighborhood. There is a secret competition among the children as to who would get ready first to collect flowers and there is no doubt that Satyavathi’s children would ever leave chance to anyone to win. It is her forte to see to it that her children are the first and the best-dressed. Then, while cooking is going on at home, everything,required for the pooja is acquired and the idol is very well decorated. Not even for one moment is it felt that they are all away from the erstwhile palatial building and the pooja room. Once the mantras are chanted and the children do the regular devotional procedures, comes the time for recitals of poems and songs, starting from Sitayamma to Sastry and Ammalu. Last, but not least, tasty dishes are served and a full meal is enjoyed by one and all; the evenings are set apart for socialization and exchange of pleasantries. Life has acquired a specific flavor in a subdued, undemanding way of enjoying it.

Before the above function, actually the season of festivities starts with VaraLakshmi vratam. I have mentioned Ganesh pooja earlier, because, Ganesh is supposed to be the God who wards off all obstacles; so He deserves the right of being mentioned first, though, according to the dates, this function comes later. The pooja of Lakshmi is very very important as the Goddess showers blessings on Her devotees with plenty and abundance; in fact, if the Goddess smiles on someone, there wouldn’t be any lack of money or any materialistic needs; of course, all physical benefits would ultimately lead to spiritual enlightenment. But, the stress is on the earlier, as it is much wanted and the wise would know how to utilize their wealth. However, Satyavathi doesn’t bother about wealth, either physical or spiritual, but wants a pretext to celebrate and make the children happy. This is a function that takes place on a particular Friday in the month of August. But Satyavathi starts her work on Wednesday itself, though, in fact, Sarojini alone does the pooja and the rest in the house would only assist her in keeping everything ready. The disadvantage of not performing the pooja or even sitting in the forefront, would not deter her from her enthusiasm to participate. The pooja room is cleaned first and is decorated with rangoli, red and white patterns with wet chalk powder are drawn - a creative activity with ingenious designs - Satyavathi has acquired expertise at it after coming to Kurnool. Then, the small wooden mandir, painted full with yellow and maroon stripes and circles on it, is brought in. The actual idol is simply a small silver vessel with a coconut on it; but once decorated, it is Lakshmi Devi, the consort of Vishnu, incarnate. How to do that? It is a process. First of all, the coconut is cleaned and turmeric paste is applied to it. Then eyes and eyebrows, the size and shape, suiting the coconut, are painted with a proper choice of white and black. Then, with a paste of proportionate mix of maida (fine wheat flour) ears and nose are installed; they are to be sticky and sturdy enough to carry jewelry. Then a long braid is made with artificial hair, fixed on top of the coconut. It is Seshamma’s job to decorate the braid with jasmine flowers and finely cut mogalirekula (Mangros fragrant flower) . Then the room is closed to be opened at the time of the pooja. Srinivasam leaves for his office, but Sastry and Ammalu would have a field day - to play without any interference. Living together, they know how to adjust to each other; especially Sastry, being older, would take the lead to play along with her, performing her roles also, according to the demands of the game, making her act like a delicate puppet and he, himself, in charge of the whole show. While this is an activity, on the steps of the front yard of the house, emerges from the inside of the house, a mixture of tempting flavours, testing the patience of the children; rumblings of hunger, in the bellies, is aggravated by the aroma of tasty dishes, being prepared by Seshamma. Indeed, a number of tongue-watering preparations are there - at least - nine delicacies, apart from the regular food, to offer to the deity. Now, at least, after seemingly endless waiting, for the children, the puja is performed, invoking the Devi with proper welcoming mantras, then describing each limb of hers and decorating with flowers. The whole house is filled with the festive scents of nostalgic memories. Then, feast follows with the best and tempting items and everyone enjoys the food. In the evening, all the ladies in the neighborhood are invited and there is a lot of activity going on.

In the hustle and buzzle of incoming and outgoing guests, Satyavathi entertains everyone with her mellifluous voice. One song has moved everyone in the family, especially, Srinivasam and Satyavathi, herself. This is a song, taught to her by her uncle, Naraharisastry, an ardent devotee of Devi, the courtesan of Siva. Set to the tune of Khamas, on the lines of Tyagaraja’s Sujana Jeevana, this song revels in describing the beauty of that Tribhuvaneswari (the empress of the three worlds ,i.e., below the earth, on the earth and up above in the cosmos) and TripuraSundari (the prettiest in the three worlds). He begs her to be benevolent to all those that are overpowered by the thrill of chanting her name and to render them a relentless chain of prosperous and purposeful occasions. It is her wont and the want of the disciples as she always remains to be the Mother Empress, consoling and capable of showing concern and kindness.

It seems that auspicious days have come again and good events are about to follow. Satyavathi is all excitement to welcome a new baby, at their own house at Kurnool. Sarojini is about to deliver a baby and Seshamma, her mother, has come from Suddapalli with a can of ghee, many tasty sweets and money to distribute gifts to one and all. At last, the expected day has come and a chubby, fair girl with curly black hair is born - her name is Suseela. Now, Ammalu has good company, she herself being three, has an infant to play with. The whole family is happy and days seem to move quickly as if a fast-forward button is pressed. Within two years, another daughter is born - this baby, named Pramila, is dark in complexion and thin. But, Srinivasam has got more than just one reason to welcome her; she resembles him in many respects; and is born on the first of the month, the same day that he gets his pay cheque. Each child has got something to attract the parents’ eye; she is supposed to be his favorite. After three years, the third daughter, Sarala, is born. She is fair in complexion and exceptionally beautiful with large, dark and impressive eyes; naturally, she has become Satyavathi’s favourite as she has got a special attachment for pretty children.
     

When Sarala is barely three months’ old, Subbayya, Sarojini’s father has taken ill and Sarojini is immediately at Suddapalli with her children. Subbayya is happy to see that his daughter has got good progeny and caring extended family. His righteousness would not allow him to leave his daughter helpless if she wants to give any property to her daughters. Legally, as Subbayya has got only one daughter in Sarojini - her male child would inherit the whole property. So subbayya asks his daughter whether she would like some of his property to be legally put on her name. But Sarojini responds with an emphatic no to his proposal as she trusts her son and he would never object to whatever she does. As far as Sarojini is concerned, that is the end of the matter. But Subbayya, without informing his daughter, has secretly assigned a chunk of his land on her name and Sarojini has not opened these papers, nor would she, in her lifetime, come to know about this sense of justice of her father towards her daughters. After doing the needful, whatever his conscience has asked him to do, he has breathed his last on the day of Sivarathri. Sarojini has acquired from her father an incorruptible character that has always kept Satyavathi in awe. Now, Satyavathi is simply amazed at the stoic way her vadina has handled her emotions and has also organised all the rituals in the right manner; the whole relatives’ circle has felt that daughters like Sarojini would handle things as well as sons or even better than them. After this tragedy, Seshamma, Sarojini’s mother, has become a frequent visitor to Kurnool, shuttling between her daughter’s place and her native village, to look after the property and get dues from there. Three years later, the second son to Srinivasam is born after a difficult delivery for Sarojini. Luckily, the mother and son are safe and for Satyavathi, this is the zenith of her life - with six children under her supervision.

      

 If there is any satisfaction in life, it is in service, lovingly rendered to the reared ones. When six children grow up under one roof, can there be any differentiation or distinguishing between one another? Perhaps not; there is bound to be some sort of setting apart of one child for one particular quality from the other, special for something else. There is always one thing, typical, in an overall background - the individuality of each is respected.  Ammalu is Satyavathi’s child, calls her “amma”(mother) and is her responsibility, whereas all the other are Sarojini’s. Like the strings of a lute, they are all tied together, but are apart, and each, vibrating in  different frequencies to create music, distinct and different. Satyavathi and Sarojini also are both alike and different like oak and cypress, each unique. Srinivasam knows that their personalities and priorities are different and are to be carefully tackled. Satyavathi is kept in charge of the finances of the house; she pays the bills, looks after the requirements of the household and also takes care of children’s education and music. In a vast bed room, under a big single mosquito-curtain, seven beds are arranged for Satyavathi and the six children. No function will be celebrated without new clothes, selected by Satyavathi, both on behalf of Srinivasam and Seshamma, Sarojini’s mother. Though they pay the money, the children are prone to think and tell everyone that all their dresses are purchased by Satyavathi. This is a great thing for Satyavathi because she relishes that recognition; she is also possessive about the children and that feeling is also gratified in such gestures. On the other hand, Sarojini is not conscious of what the other people think about her as long as her children are carefully looked after and well-provided for, nor is she too  possessive to grab an opportunity to please anyone. She knows that Satyavathi is serving her children and the money is her mother’s and her husband’s. So on the whole, there is no rivalry as far as children’s interests are concerned. Personally, Sarojini is duty-minded, sensible and deep-thinking, while Sathyavathi is free, rather obstinate, and is of a happy-go-lucky type. But, there is mutual respect and understanding between them and Seshamma, Satyavathi’s mother, is always serviceable and sensitive to delicate situations; she is the mother-figure to maintain balance on all fronts like putting a check on overspending, disciplining children and entertaining guests. It is her speciality to manage everything within affordable limits. Satyavathi and Sarojini are like oak and cypress that do not grow under each other’s shade, and Seshamma sees to it that there is that much-needed gap between them.

    Sometimes, it so happens that Satyavathi is struck with the reality that she is a widow and doesn’t have the proper experience of life. Sarojini has five children and she does the dirty jobs as well as the pleasant ones with equal ease. But for Satyavathi, feeding the children is always welcome, getting them dressed up and taking them out is always an attraction, but bathing them or washing their clothes is something that her nature resists. She does address herself to the children’s needs, especially, those of Ammalu, but with some difficulty. It takes some time and thinking for her to know that after all children are not dolls. As long as man-made figures are concerned, though they are pretty to look at, from a distance, there is not that transformation with time and space is frozen into a limited dimension; but God-made human beings grow up and time touches them at every moment, enabling the change in space lively and touching to the quick. The gradual growth of children is a creative process and Sathyavathi has also undergone a metamorphosis from an ignorant child to a wise mother. Here also, her music has come to her aid in drawing the children to her, in teaching them in the beginning and later, in guiding them in advanced courses. She is indeed the pivot round which the whole household moves - the one to whom everyone looks up with affection and regard. For example, when Dasara comes, she is very busy planning a number of doll-shows, organising and executing them. Children are always there with her, to build artificial garden, swimming pool or whatever fits the imagination. Once this is done,many acquaintances are invited to exchange pleasantries. In return, Satyavathi and Sarojini are also invited to go to several places and make new friendships . More often than not, it so happens that someone or other reminds Sathyavathi that she is a widow and may not deserve that honour,which her vadina gets, inspite of being as well-dressed as she is. Slowly, Sathyavathi has started .removing her jewels and setting them aside, and now, her preference is for plain white saris rather than coloured, costly ones. The other members of the family have watched this with a pang in the heart, but would not say anything. It is her decision, and they would let her stick to it; now, there is no external compulsion to do anything.                   

   Days have passed into months and years, making twenty at Kurnool and the children are all getting educated according to their ages. Sastry completed his high school. A turning point has come when Srinivasam has become a Dy. Collector and is posted at Parvathipuram, Waltair Dist. This is a change from one corner of the state to another and the family has moved with a lot of gusto, a feeling of buoyancy that everything would go well with a higher status in a new place. Here, for some time, there is a feeling that the old glory of the Gundu family has come back as this is a high posting in a small place. There is a huge bungalow with a big garden, a number of servants and an official zeep with a chauffer. Sastry has left the place to pursue his higher studies and all the girls are admitted to their respective classes and music teachers are also invited to come home and teach, violin for Ammalu and Veena for Suseela. Whenever it appears that time is running smooth, something or other happens to chill the spirits. Everyone knows that life is not a bed of roses; however, should it be only one of thorns to make the roses only a glittering memory, peeping into one’s life only once in awhile? There is no answer to this question as things happen in their own way without any logic or  explanation. Babu, the youngest child of the family has suddenly taken ill. This fair and attractive boy is the apple in the eye of not only the family, but of all the near and dear. The doctors diagnosed him as suffering from a weak and sluggish liver. Practically, there are no medicines for this condition in allopathy and even the sick boy has come to know about it; no one has an answer to his question as to why the doctor hasn’t given him any medicines although the cupboards are claimed to be filled with curing drugs. In fact, no research, no scientific advancement, would come to our rescue, if destiny is against us. So, a five-year old boy is kept alive on strict diet with Ayurvedic medicines for five long years. Satyavathi and Sarojini have shared the responsibility of looking after Babu; Sarojini is the person who takes him to the bathroom, gives him a sponge bath, dresses him properly, and gives him medicines according to the schedule; by that time, Sathyavathi would be ready with a toffee as the Ayurvedic medicines are bitter. It is her practice to wipe his mouth, put some talcum powder on his body so that he feels fresh and then to tell him a story. While Satyavathi is busy with Babu here, the two Seshammas take care of the kitchen, cater to the needs of the other children - feeding and sending them to school and attend to the other daily routines. But for Babu, everyone is busy with studies and the next five years have been quite stressful for the whole family.

   Ammalu has completed her Eleventh, i.e.,the final class in the school. Luckily, a good alliance has been found for her - a handsome boy, Dantu Ramana, who has done M. Sc. in Physics from Banaras Hindu University, is a good match and marriage is performed in accordance with Srinivasam’s status. Once the marriage is performed and the time has come for Ammalu to leave for her in-laws’ house, it is a trying period for Satyavathi. It is too much to bear her absence, and there is also an inner voice reminding her that she has always been an overprotective and over possessive mother. Had she been a normal mother, she would have been harsh with her, when required, and would have equipped her properly for a responsibility like marriage. Now, Sathyavathi’s heart is heavy with a guilty feeling of an unbridgeable gap and a half-finished job. Perhaps, it is natural for her to feel like that, or is it that an own mother would have felt the same. In fact, there are no measures to assess the dimensions of mother’s love . It is indeed  unfathomable in a context like this, when a treasure, nourished and reared carefully, is entrusted into a family, with different values and culture; no equipment would seem to be enough. The bride alone has to cope with the situation and make the transplantation commendable and comfortable to both sides of the family. Within two years, Suseela has also completed her school and she is also married to Gundepudi Lakshminarayana, a Chemical Engineer from Alagappa Chettiar’s College, Chennai. This is what Srinivasam has learnt from his past - to give importance to education in marriage alliances. Fortunes dwindle, properties get disposed off, families are divided and dispersed, but education is something, which stands in your stead. This is what Srinivasam has believed in and has luckily found qualified and compatible partners for these two girls. Suseela’s leaving for her in-laws’ house is a grave thing for Srinivasam, with a grim face, pursed lips and keeping the tears in the eyes without letting them roll down his cheeks. Sarojini is as usual, stoic and glad that she has done a good job of finding a proper match for her daughter; she is settled well. Unlike Satyavathi Sarojini doesn’t have any soul-searching; in the task of her daughter’s home-making, because Srinivasam and Lakshminarayana are employed at the same place, Chennai, Sarojini is always there to help her. She knows that it is a gradual process and Suseela would learn everything in due course as she herself has done in her own case - a much pampered, sole daughter of her parents. She has adjusted herself to the changed circumstances like fish to water and expects her daughter to do the same. This is a surprise for Satyavathi and is  too hard a truth to digest that due to the denial of certain experiences of life, the natural process seems to be strange and constrained for her. However, to the satisfaction of both the mothers, the two daughters have formed their own circles of life and are in it - heart and soul.

   It may seem that the family is like lilacs in bloom and the relationships are blossoming to fruition. This unique entity of a family, one of nature’s masterpieces, is indeed, like  ripe fruit; but as fate would have it, there is a dent. That Babu, that centre of attraction for all around, and that much cared after and comforted boy of ten - is at the last stage of his life. Though Sarojini keeps on saying, in a consoling voice, that they have been preparing themselves for this oncoming crisis for the last five years, it is quite harsh. Here, the reaction of each member is different. Seshamma, Srinivasam’s mother, is devoted to service, and she would express herself in that, not only to Babu, but to the whole lot, bonded there. The other Seshamma, Sarojini’s mother, is innocent and is, in a way, naive in a place like Chennai, but she has got her own method of showing concern by sitting next to the sick boy or by helping in the kitchen. Sarojini is a stoic and has imbibed those qualities of her own philosophical perceptions into that sick boy of hers. That is why, while surviving on fluids and unable to breathe due to excessive water-content in the body, Babu asks on what to focus upon as there are too many idols around; the mother tells him to think of a shapeless, nameless and luminous expanse, and to feel the sense of sun surrounding him. Satyavathi would not leave the boy’s bed and is totally distraught; she has seen several deaths, but this is death with a difference. This is her favourite kid and she has showered all her affection on him since his birth. To see her uncle and aunt go, who have seen her since infancy, is different from watching the boy, born under her eyes, brought up with her caressing hands, loosen her grip and depart. Here also, she sees a difference. While Sarojini has aptly called Satyavathi to keep the boy;s head in her lap and has gone away to prepare coffee for all of the people there, little could she realize that there is blood in the throat of the dying boy. Sarojini has already noticed it and has to take care of the rest of the family. After serving everyone coffee so that they would survive the next trying period, she is back at the bed for the final departure. Again, during the last moments, she has seen to it that Ram’s name is chanted through the whole process of the struggle, not to live, but to die, for this boy, who is an ardent devotee. Satyavathi is aghast to see all that and has a lot to learn even during this trying period - crises come and go but how we face them - leaves its mark on posterity. Babu has gone; a rare bud has just faded without blossoming. The short period, lived by him,has taught everyone that depth of living is more meaningful than length. The family remembers him as a flame that has just vanished into the Unknown. The family, like a ripened fruit does take its dents, but still offers its own sweet taste to those who are receptive to it.

   Even after such an emotional set-back, a mental turmoil of just watching a small boy, helplessly struggling with the knowledge of the onset of death, and the final surrender, the family has to limp back to normalcy, in view of the future of the other children. Sastry has completed his B.Sc.B.Sc.(tech) from Bombay and has joined a job. Srinivasam is shifting from one place to the other in Andhra Pradesh, according to his job-transfers. Pramila and Sarala are ready for college education. Srinivasam is determined that they should be well-educated and has encouraged Pramila to take up B.A.(Hons); Sarala has chosen to do graduation in sciences. While the family is dispersed in different places, according to work on hand, Ammalu has given birth to a tiny daughter, named Bala. Now, Satyavathi has become a grand-mother, is called “ammamma” now and lives in the glory and sunniness of that experience. This is a great thing to have happened,giving the much-needed sense of achievement and enjoyment. In succession are born three more children to Ammalu - Raghu,Brahmeshwar iand Ratnam - keeping Satyavathi’s hands busy and making her to shuffle from place to place to cater to the needs of one and all. Later, when srinivasam is about to retire from his Govt. service, he is posted at Kurnool. Peculiarly enough, he has started his career there and has also retired from the same place; however, this is not the end of it, he is going to get something more from there - i.e., Suseela’s daughter, Uma is born there, making the two Seshammas great grand mothers, Srinivasam and Sarojini grandparents. The sequence of good events seem to continue as Sastry is married to Nirmala, at Ongole. Srinivasam has thought of settling down at Hyderabad and setting up practice as a Lawyer. But he is offered the post of Dewan in the Royal House of Vizianagaram and has accepted that. This has added another feather to Satyavathi’s cap; everyone else is happy, but Satyavathi is excited beyond measure as she craves for her brother’s rise and the comforts of good living. The responsibility and authority are Srinivasam’s, and the enjoyment is hers. It is just a sort of childish revelling; she herself is not after any luxuries of life, but if her brother’s family enjoys them, she is happy. Barely one year has been completed at Vizianagaram, when Pramila is about to complete her B.A.(Hons.), her marriage is settled under the supervision of Satyavathi. At that time, Sarojini is at Hyderabad, helping Sastry and Nirmala with their new set-up, and there is another good thing to happen - Nirmala is in the family way. Now, Satyavathi is overpowered with too many things to do. She has planned for an elaborate get-together for the baby-shower of Nirmala - all the members of the family have gathered together and a grand function has taken place. This is the best event in the family that has taken place after several years; and a sweet memory of this would be preserved forever in future. Once the celebrations are completed, Satyavathi has left for Hyderabad along with Sastry’s family; Sarojini has stayed back at Vizianagaram. This is also an exciting thing for Satyavathi as she would be living with Sastry and his  newly-wed wife. Her happiness has no limits as all the children, whom she has seen, born under her eyes, are growing up to settle down in their  family lives. For herself, her desires are the least; she seeks the simple, embraces primitivity in enjoying life in abandon, as it comes.The dimensions of her own self are always at a reduced scale, because the importance is given to the upcoming generation, not to her own self. This is what she is - a living manifestation of plainness and an emblem of obedience to her own inner being; anything around her, does not emit artificiality, nor is she ever constrained by any external compulsion.

   Every thing in life  is exciting with fortune smiling at the family; everyone is happy. Pramila is about to complete her education and her marriage with Sri Rama Sastry, M. A.in Economics from Sagar University, is to be solemnised. So, Sarojini has made all preparations for the engagement; she and Srinivasam are supposed to leave for Rajahmundry the next day. But, alas, alas, she has got severe back-pain and by the morning, has developed lock-jaw. She is rushed to the hospital; in no time, the sickness is diagnosed as Titanus; but she has proved to be allergic to A.T.S. and there is nothing that the medical expertise can do about it. The rest is just to watch the severe spasms, the final break of the spinal cord and ultimate death. Srinivasam, Pramila,Sarala and the two Seshammas are at her bedside, during the last moments. Satyavathi, Sastry, Suseela and her family could come only later, after the death. This is too big a blow to bear with and the whole family is immersed in inconsolable sorrow; who is to console whom? No comfort can be extended; everyone is an entity of grief as the dependence on Sarojini for each is unique in itself. Satyavathi is expecting to come for Pramila’s marriage with grand ideas about how the whole function is going to take place. She and Srinivasam can convince themselves that the sower is not always granted to see the harvest and they have to live up to the faith that Sarojini has had in them. Life is no less dramatic than an actual play, enacted on a stage; we don’t know when the roles reverse and who is called upon to take the reins.  For Satyavathi, had Sarojini been alive, she would have taken up chores of her choice - a pleasant job - an enjoyment of authority without the pinch of responsibility. But, in the changed context, the task is too hard to be borne; she has come to a turning point in her life and has effortlessly taken up the yoke of performing all work on hand - she is the main executor of all plans ahead. Throughout her life, there is only one person, she has adored, to whom she has turned for advice and guidance - whether it is soulful consent or well-meaning dejection. It is from Sarojini, Satyavathi has learnt to check the road, wait for the right signal and reach the goal - how can that vadina, a confidante, an alter-ego, a secret-bearer and a close companion - leave  her - all of a sudden - all alone? No. it is not like that - Sarojini has entrusted Satyavathi with all her assets and responsibilities.

      When this realization comes to Satyavathi, immersed in her own grief and bowed down by her own emotions, she lifts her head and looks at the others. There are the two Seshammas - it is impossible to tap the deep pathos that pertains to the plight in which they are thrown into - one has lost her only daughter and the other her single ray of hope for the entire family, as she has seen. There is Srinivasam, her brother, a theosophist to the core, trying to translate trauma into tractable life-experiences and turning the sharpness of sorrow into meaningful purposes of planning for the next moment. The children, who seem to have been left in the midst of a troubled sea, are to be taken care of. Now, for a moment, Sathyavathi has thought of Seshamma and what she has done after Brahmeswari’s death. Immediately, there is a spark in her eyes and a speed in her actions; she is also reminded of what her vadina used to say:”The oncoming second is not ours; the already lived one is a dream;live the present one and make the past a dream of vision. The bliss of growth, the glory of action and the splendour of beauty are inherent in the now; a well-lived today makes every day a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.” Srinivasam shares his ideas with Sathyavathi, whether they are expressed or not; here, there is no need for words. He looks at this gloom of sorrow as darkly fostered, but luminous life, rendering feelings,”too deep for tears”. The grief and night of darkness would sharpen their perceptions and enable them to tap that inner light; open windows to new horizons and enable them to look forward to the harbingers of hope. The vital thread of life that binds all living things may or may not go beyond what we see in the physical forms of the universe, once they are out of sight. But if we go deeper and deeper to touch that intangible connectivity, that string inside the string, that web, binding life-forces, before and beyond, that is the real entity. Srinivasam is not an outspoken person, nor does he bother for the opinion of anyone; he does things, just driven by his conscience and Satyavathi follows him with implicit faith.

     Srinivasam is a karmayogi, who believes in action; if he loves his wife, and misses her, he shows that in doing his duties to the children with extra care and caution that nothing goes wrong because of the mother’s absence. Once the obsequies are performed, on the thirteenth day of Sarojini’s death,Srinivasam picks up the phone, fixes date for the engagement of Pramila with Sri Rama Sastry. That thread, which is tragically snapped on the day before Sarojini’s death, and that unfinished work of hers has been resumed. Now, a different mood is forcefully brought into the house, crossing an ocean of dejection and depression. Sarojini’s mother has already been a disabled person with a paralytic stroke and now the sorrow of her loss has made her an invalid, who is to be looked after. But the other Seshamma has the buoyancy to wade through sadness and she has got a rare combination of two essential qualities - the grittiness of spirit and the sunniness of outlook; she is the leader in deed. When the marriage preparations have started in full swing - literally a ray of hope, the light of sun has crept in - Ravi(meaning “sun”) is born to Njrmala; the next generation of Gundu family has started. Pramila’s marriage is celebrated under a huge pandal, amidst all the near and the dear; the vigilant can witness the pang, pricking the heart, but not allowing tears to well forth. Srinivasam is not a person to rest assured that future would take care of itself, and he has the example of his own uncle who died within ten months of his wife’s departure. So within six months, Sarala’s marriage is performed, with Seshayya,an Engineer in Telecommunications from Pilani;Sarala has completed her graduation later.

    

    While Srinivasam is serving as Dewan, but for the death of Sarojini, many good things have happened. Ammalu has become a mother of six children, making Satyavathi a proud grand mother. All her children are loving and lovable and paradise is not far behind for Satyavathi, when they are all around. Sastry has left for the United States for further studies, leaving his wife and son with Srinivasam and Satyavathi. It is a rare pleasure for them and they have enjoyed their company, sharing it with all friends far afterwards, even long after Nirmala and Ravi have joined Sastry in America. Suseela has Uma and two twin sons to look after - a challenging job in which Srinivasam and Satyavathi are always there to help. Pramila has one son and two daughters; she is ambitious. In building up her career; expects them to be at her beck and call, whenever needed. Sarala is at distant places like Assam, according to the postings of her  husband; her three sons  test her patience and the presence of her father and aunt is welcome at any moment for her.

    All these things are taken care of by Srinivasam and Satyavathi with a sense of satisfaction and a thrill of excitement. There are certain others, rather unpleasant ones, but natural events that have taken place. Saojini’s mother, suffering from a stroke, almost bedridden for a few years, has breathed her last. Satyavathi, as a devoted person, has seen to it that she is well looked after and nothing has gone wrong in her care, in spite of her daughter’s absence. Seshamma herself was too numb to the fact that she has lost her only daughter and would behave as if nothing has happened; but for Satyavathi, it is a heart-rending situation, tackled by her as a test to her own patience. The other Seshamma, her own mother, has also peacefully passed away, under the vigilant eyes of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

                 

     With almost all the responsibilities completed, Srinivasam has decided to retire from his post. Where is he going to stay along with Satyavathi? He has a house at Hyderabad, but has preferred to stay along with Satyavathi at Suddapalli, Sarojini’s native place. This is another trial for Satyavathi - to live at her vadina’s place, where Pullamma (alias Sarojini) is born and brought up, among her kith and kin, - that too, without her. The circle has taken its full round. The Gundu family has ventured into the nuances and pleasantries of officialdom, have had a good taste of it and are now back to the down-to-earth life at a village, living close to the land, breathing the smell of fresh flowers and grass. It is not that easy, but Satyavathi has done it, making the mud-house a hospitable one, attracting the children and grandchildren there as a holiday resort. Relationships are like rays of lustre and beauty, emanating from a diamond; but the prerogative for that is that the diamond has to undergo the process of being cut and polished. Satyavathi,is right through this necessary seasoning taking the irony and paradox of life as the necessary tools.   

    

                                                  

            

                   

                                                 

                                

                                               

                                           

                                       CHAPTER V

                                    THE  LEGACY OF  FEELING

                            “The little butterfly counts not months but

                                  moments and has time enough.”

                                                                                   

                                                                                          Rabindranath Tagore        

.

  Satyavathi and Srinivasam do not bind the joys of life to any particular place, person or event, but are willing to revel in the bliss of taking life as a flux. Staying at Suddapalli is not an easy thing, but an awareness of the truth and wisdom of life, living in raw reality. The brother and sister, denied of their own partners in their lives, have learnt to accept life as a paradox. In the hands of poets, a perfect paradox is a contradiction in terms, a statement of mutually opposing facts, in fact, shocking ones, but ultimately fused in a unique union of the poet’s vision of ultimate harmony. Paradox is indeed a replica of our life, the way in which we accept, plan and execute to get and give enjoyment. Many purposes are served in this story of Suddapalli with one leg here and the other, moving around the world, like the two legs of a compass(protractor), a lot has been achieved in both states - stable and movable. While witnessing two different worlds, the brother and sister are able to function in sync with both of them,sensing an essential unity by creating a loving atmosphere and looking into the heart of the things.

  

    A hard task is ahead for Satyavathi, settling down at Suddapalli, without the fanfare of her brother’s official position. There are no servants at her beck and call. nor is their house well-furnished as their previous ones used to be. Still the remote, rustic house under her able hands, is rejuvenated into a lovable place not only for them, but for whoever wants to visit them. There are many people, coming in and going out with a word of love, a piece of advice or a mere exchange of pleasantries. The brother and sister are a rare combination; while she can spread a web of love around and build a network of pleasant connections, he is ambitious and wants to do something for the village - connect it to the near-by city by a road, improve the irrigation facilities, educate the children and what not. As Plato says, he is a man - a being in search of meaning. While Satyavathi believes in respecting personalities of people and takes them as they are, Srinivasam relies more on building up personal identities, contributing to improve people’s overall capabilities and add value to their lives. Together, for all concerned, they are like coordinates on a graph paper of intersecting relationships, standing for twin values at the same time on different axes. They believe in working for something worthwhile, consecrate their lives to the realization that driving together with concern and love for one another alone can bring significant harmony and integrity to the life of a community.

       The individual capacities of a person can come to the aid of the collective living of a group of people. Srinivasam is an intellectual, a theosophist and after Sarojini’s death, has acquired a philosophical perspective towards life. He gets intellectual stimulation by reading and critically reflecting on fundamental questions. He believes in spreading his knowledge to others  through translating important pieces of poetry into Telugu verses. He is not a person to live exclusively in imagination, but knows how to constructively convert that into personal and aesthetic experiences. He works on the farm with peasants, recites epic poems to the semi-educated, teaches English to the students and revels in enjoying music with Satyavathi and the other musically inclined neighbours. His lifetime’s experiences - as a student of Law, as a revenue official, and, as the Dewan, supervising financial, educational and cultural institutions - now rubbing shoulders with ordinary villagers - prove one thing - that he has developed skills that are relevant in and transferable to any walk of life. Satyavathi, his sister, in letter and spirit, has followed with implicit faith in him. Generally, it is said that people live like loners because they build walls around them, but this brother and sister believe in erecting bridges, in reaching out to others in need, rather than be locked in the four walls of their own ego, grief, greed and anger. In the lives of Satyavathi and Srinivasam, that season of tending blooming flowers is passed and they are, in fact, drooping lilies in a forlorn land to face the oncoming winter. Still, in this place,they look forward to imbibe the flavours and colours of rich and ripened corn to compensate for the wealth of lost blossoms. In the bosom of nature, there is always  a defiance to the coming frost, a stirn and hard heart to weather the vagaries of various seasons as they come. In fact, within the conflicts of a muddled world, eternal values of life emerge and help one to rise to the occasion.

   The task on their hand is not yet complete; they have to leave for the United States, in response to a call from Sastry. Nirmala is in the family way and there is going to be a new addition to the Gundu family after ten years. Now, Ravi is ten and is all enthusiasm to receive Satyavathi and Srinivasam, set on their way. This is the achievement of the two Seshammas in the Gundu family. The earlier one has opened new vistas of prosperity by believing in English education and adapting to the changing circumstances. The later Seshamma, Srinivasam’s mother has kept family as a well-knit entity of sound loyalties and value-system. If required, for the sake of the children, the brother and sister would go to the end of the world. Their  enthusiasm is such that at the airport, after seeing Sastry and his family,they have forgotten their handbags with all the valuables and have come out. Later, some well-meaning co-passengers have safely given them their things. The purpose of the visit is itself that - to have an exciting family reunion, here in America. Srinivasam is always happy to explore new lands; for Satyavathi, this is heaven on earth. One thing, after a long time - she is with Sastry’s family after getting his Ph.D. and settling down; another thing - she is indeed infatuated by this land of promise and plenty. Right from the moment she has got into the plane, her change of the flight at the London airport till landing in America - each event is reported back to the children at the other end. Given a chance, she would have transplanted all her children to this place where there is no dearth of money and opportunities, according to her. The children in India have adapted themselves to different ways of living, each according to the circumstances of their spouses. At a distance, in America,Sathyavathi feels for the ways of living, her children have chosen, in spite of being born in the same family and having been brought up together. Srinivasam often reminds her that each family, in fact, each child is unique; like poet Hopkins, he would prefer to call this focused habit of appreciating particularity as seeing the “thisness of this”. This is Satyavathi’s concern and Srinivasam’s response to it, a pact between the brother and the sister, a way of sharing their love for the children and a measure of mutual consent in many matters - a query and an answer go together.                Sastry knows how to keep Satyavathi’s spirits up. No holiday goes waste as they are packed with sightseeing - Washington D.C., Nayagara Falls and New York - are all covered. This land of wonder, colour and glamour - is all attraction for her and Srinivasam has also joined her in the enjoyment of the feast to the eyes. Every activity is reported back at home. Thus the Smithsonian Institution with its motto to increase and diffuse knowledge among people, the National Museum with the dominating presence of African Elephant, the glittering colours of the water falls and the imposing presence of the mysteriously green Statue of Liberty amidst the abundant                            

Blue waters of the sea - are all covered and experienced by one and all of the family. While Satyavathi paints colourful pictures with her words, Srinivasam writes poetry and communicates with all the near and dear. It is a ride to America for everyone concerned, because of their knack to connect.

   All this exhilaration of moving about and sightseeing is kept aside, once Nirmala has reached her full pregnancy. On the eighth of October on his grandfather’s sixty seventh birthday, Shyam is born, making that day doubly important. Now, Satyavathi is active with looking after Ravi, the house and the new-born baby with Nirmala’s help. She is not familiar with the appliances there, and their modes of functioning; but her enthusiasm to learn and to do whatever is possible has no limits. The family has the best of their time with three generations of the Gundu family together, under one roof. Every activity of Ravi is carefully followed by Satyavathi. For instance, if he goes to the swimming pool, she should be there. She enjoys and feels proud of all his pranks in the swimming pool; but if he goes deep into the water and is not to be seen for a while, she waits with baited breath and gets relieved only after seeing him on the surface of the water. If Ravi engages Satyavathi and Srinivasam with his various activities, Shyam attracts their attention with his childish pranks; in fact, all their routine is geared to what this small boy needs during day and night. Naturally, there is an exceptional bonding between the grandparents and the grandchildren. No wonder on earth can be equal to the experience of spending their time in this way - a memory to be preserved and recast again and again, long after going back to India.

      It appears that days and months have acquired wings and one year has just come round; Sathyavathi and Srinivasam are back at Suddapalli. Now, Srinivasam is better equipped to inform the people there with a projector to show videos and photos of what all he has seen in the United States. Shyam is a household name and his birth is something that has happened in each family every day. Thus, a bridge of feeling and knowledge is built between the most forward and backward places on the face of earth. Nothing is impossible, even to condense the dimensions of the globe and bring living acquaintance with facts, if people like this brother sister are around. The people at Suddapalli, who do not know how an airplane flies, have been given a feel of boarding a plane, going to America and living there. People do read news papers and know what happens in the world, but this is actual experience of someone, living with them, going abroad and sharing it with them - an intimacy even with the distant and far off things is established. Later, long afterwards, there are people of this place, who fondly remember that Sastry is born at Suddapalli, is the son of Sarojini, and are able to connect with him because of Srinivasam. A new horizon is opened to inspire and explore. A belief system in the education of children is inculcated. While the senior Seshamma’s efforts are restricted to her son and her family, Srinivasam has enlarged those dimensions to the community and has set the sky as the limit for the capable.

        After coming back from Sastry’s place, as an icing to the cake of the stay at Suddapalli, has happened one event. After many tragedies in Rajeswari’s (Ammalu’s elder sister’s) life - the loss of her husband and four children - that widowed lady has lost her balance of mind and is left with a lone son, Nageswara Rao, called Nagu. Under Srinivasam’s supervision he has completed his graduation and has also taken up a job. Now, as if to seal the relationship with Suddapalli, a girl from Sarojini’s family(i.e., the Dantus) is married with Nagu. This function has taken place in Sarojini’s house, in the presence of all the families of the children, excepting that of Sastry’s. In fact, Ammalu’s husband is also from the Dantu family and belongs to the same village; at one time, Sarojini and her mother were instrumental in striking the alliance between the two families - the Gundus and the Dantus.

     There is one festival that the Gundus and the Dantus perform every year - that is Narasimha Jayanthi. This is also performed with a lot of fan-fare this year as all the children are there - a special day for both families - Sarojini’s birthday as well as that of Narasimha, the family deity of the Gundus. All the children get up in the early morning to do the arrangements for the pooja and invite in person all the acquaintances. An elaborate mandir is decorated with a special taste for flowers and colours - this is Satyavathi’s forte. Peculiarly, the stress, during this function, is not on food,being cooked, but on devotion. As it is severe summer, all the invitees are served two types of sweet syrup, made of jaggery and sugar; fruits of all kinds are distributed, especially, mangoes. There is a special dish, made of soaked green-gram,seasoned with green chillies and fresh, grated coconut. As there are no ceiling fans for the whole gathering, each person is served with a hand-fan, so that they can use them there, and later, take home. The speciality of the function is that the children are involved in the whole process. Satyavathi and Srinivasam are good at keeping the spirits of their grand children high and in pressing them into service. On that particular day, it is just a coincidence that Srinivasam’s efforts to connect Suddapalli with Guntur have become successful. So the first bus from Guntur to the next destination has stopped at the door-step of Sarojini’s house. There is no end to the thrill and excitement - every passenger on board is served with syrup and(prasadam) the offerings to Lord Narasimha. Travellers, who haven’t even stepped on the threshold of the house, have been told how important that day is for all of them; hence the celebration. This is a fitting way of maintaining festivity - in honour of that lady(Sarojini), who has never believed in luxuries, but has extended only the needful, here, soothing snack and drink in summer - that too served by her children and grandchildren. Sarojini is a perfect example of how a person, equipped with rare wisdom of being nourished in the sacred Hindu texts, can bring families together and leave her mark on posterity to be carried forward.

         Srinivasam and Satyavathi are happy when children are settled in their lives and form small, enticing circles of their own families. They have always enjoyed the privilege of being grandparents. According to Srrinivasam, parents have the responsibility of disciplining their children and educating them; on the other hand, the grandparents have only to entertain and get entranced by them. It is a great attraction that makes them to move, especially, to Ammalu’s place, quite near at Guntur. Srinivasam and Satyavathi keep on making frequent visits to participate in all her activities. While Ammalu and her children keep Satyavathi engaged, Srinivasam has good company with Ramana, who is also a poet. Each child of Ammalu has a special attraction for Satyavathi and Srinivasam as all of them are endearing and have unique qualities. The eldest, Bala, is brilliant in studies, good at music, and is married to an Engineer after completing her M. A. Satyavathi is a proud grandmother and says so without any inhibition. Raghu is studious and well-equipped to face the challenges of life, and has grown up to become an esteemed Scientist in the I.S.R.O.(Indian Space Research Organization). Attending his marriage is a rare privilege; his wife is a Ph.D. in Sociology. Children’s education is a matter of pride for Srinivasam and Sathyavathi as it cultivates the family and builds up its future. Luckily, all the children are doing creditably well in their respective fields and have found fitting spouses. Brahmeshwari is a Lecturer in History and her husband is a well-established business-man; Ratham, a post-graduate in commerce is married to a scientist in the C.S.I.R.(Council of Scientific and Industrial Research) Varalakshmi, a lawyer, is married to a businessman, interestingly, from the Gundu family. Sita,the youngest, is herself, a teacher,and is married to a teacher. There is no other way of enjoying life than participating in all that happens in the lives of these children.

       Srinivasam has retired from the Govt. service as Dy. Commissioner of  Religious Endowments and has in that capacity, visited several temples and tried to understand many ways of worshipping different deities. Now, he wants to have another experience of this without the binding of official duties. As usual, Satyavathi is all enthusiasm to accompany her brother. So the first place is Srisailam, where Srinivasam, while he was working, has seen to it that a road is laid to take the devotees to the footsteps of the temple. So, there is no need for them to climb up the mountains on foot. After a long way up in a bus, through dense forests and natural scenes of perfect beauty, amidst tribal lands, arrives the place of the Lord and His Consort - Mallikarjuna Swamy and Bhramaramba. Here, the names themselves are in tune with the surroundings. He is indeed the enticing Lord of white and beautiful jasmine flowers and she is the emblem of bewitching beauty, being the mother of bees - a perfect combination of flowers and bees. An ever-attractive and attracted couple - on whom Srinivasam has composed a song and Satyavathi has sung it - a request to shower blessings as they are the mother and father. While this is Siva’s temple, the next resort for the brother and sister is Simhachalam - a place, so called, because it is supposed to be the abode of Lord Narasimha - a deity - incarnate in half man and half lion. There, the reception for them  is elaborate,making a ceremonious entry into the sanctum of the temple, amidst mantras. The whole surroundings are decorated with beautiful and profusely smelling golden-petalled flowers.(Sampenga in Telugu, a speciality of that area) Srinivasam and Satyavathi are simply overpowered by the stupendous presence in the shape of a Lingam (chandan, sandalwood paste is applied everyday and it goes on increasing till Akshara Tadiya - so called because there is no diminishing of the deity, though almost all the sandalwood is removed. Behind all the layers is revealed the real shape of Varaha, an Avatar of Vishnu). They are reminded of a song of Achchamamba, and Satyavathi has sung it to a dismayed audience, who are awestruck by her devotion and dedication, shown by the energy in her voice at that age. The content of the song puts at rest all the conflicts between the followers of Vishnu and Siva - here the presiding Deity is an emblem of both - a non-dual God, an identification of Siva and Vishnu, each enshrining the inner and outer sides of the self-same Divinity. Not to be left behind, Srinivasam has composed a song about the loved Lord of his family. He sees in Him the benevolent benefactor of a ten-year old boy, rescuing him from the tortures of his own father. Hiranyakasyap. The stress of Srinivasam in all his songs is devotion, the feeling of bhakti, rather than scholarship. That is why. they have planned to go to Banaras, the abode of great bhakti poets like Tulasidas. That is the same place where the grandmother of Satyavathi came to, years back, all distraught at the widowhood of her granddaughter. Now, much water has flown down the Ganga; reconciliation and resignation reign supreme in the hearts of the brother and sister. Ignoring the humdrum of ordinary life, they have seen heaven descending down to human level in the holiest of the holy places - the dwelling of loved deities where Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was exhilarated to witness Siva, chanting the Mrityinjaya mantra in  the ears of the dead in order to give them salvation. It is a question of belief and an inclination to get inspired. There can be no other example to this than that of Sankaracharya, who has looked at Annapurna,here, not only as the donator of  food in cognisance with her name, but as the donor of spiritual sustenance and self-expression(Annapurnashtakam). No doubt, a scholar like Sankaracharya has turned himself into a beggar, beseeching the Goddess’s precious grace. If Banaras and Siva’s temple present one side of the picture, the other is evident in Tirupathi, the abode of Lord Venkateswara. While, there the devotees freely go and touch the deity,here, a lot of paraphernalia abounds. Srinivasam knows the meaning and intricacies of all that - each place has got its own particularity, aura and attraction. Lord Venkateswara, the Lord of ample wealth and resources, has always been a beckoning force for them. They stand near the sanctum sanctorum, the innermost region where the main murthy(image) resides,to experience huge energy that surrounds one as vibrating waves. They have seen several sevas(services) - starting with Suprabhatam - in the early morning when the God is  woken from sleep with apt mantras, reminding Him of the oncoming twilight and the various activities, associated with the coming day. Srinivasam, in a poem, composed by him, poses the question as to why this ever-vigilant God be woken up, and also provides the answer for it. This ritual is meant for man to awaken his own self from the slumber of ignorance and enter into the orbit of His divine presence. Every ritual has an inner meaning and an interior motive for the right frame of mind; Satyavathi is reminded of Tyagaraja’s song, composed right at this place, when the Lord is behind a curtain in preparation for one of the sevas(types of worship). Denied the pleasure of His presence, the great composer requests the Lord to remove the subtle veil of greed and jealousy, which is hindering him from approaching Him. Because of these human deficiencies, he is just hovering around the fire of existence like a small insect to be ultimately burnt in the negative energy of his surroundings. He requests the Lord to remove that inner layer and reveal His beautiful form. While the brother and sister are immersed in their own thoughts, they  are called to witness the Tomala Seva - the God is decorated from top to toe with garlands of beautiful flowers, amidst the chanting of fitting mantras. The Eternal Embodiment of Beauty, with bewitchingly large eyes, is decorated to satisfy and satiate our own inner thirst to do something for the loved Lord. Satyavathi and Srinivasam have undergone a spell of spiritual  exaltation and indulgence in unbounded attraction. The magic of mandirs and mantras is such that even a saint like Sankaracharya has not escaped it and prays for pardon from his own censure:

   “O Lord pardon my three sins; I have in contemplation clothed in form Thyself without form; I have in praise described Thee who transcends all qualities; and in visiting shrines I have ignored Thy Omnipresence.”

Srinivasam is well-versed with this verse and Satyavathi knows the content of it. Actually, they are not just travellers from place to place, but are unravellers of their own depths - that is the main meaning and purpose of their lives - to be always alive to a sense of responsibility and solidarity.

      Even while returning from the  pilgrimage to the village, Satyavathi has contacted some relatives and has come to know about a promising doctor from the United States, to propose as a groom for Uma. Srinivasam has requested Sastry to contact the boy and invite him to come to Suddapalli, during his next visit to Guntur, his native place. Uma has also come to Suddapalli, along with her parents and an alliance is struck. Satyavathi and Srinivasam are again busy, making all the preparations for the marriage at Chennai, where Lakshminarayana is posted. They are proud grandparents, performing their duties to the best of their capabilities, being available for any task on demand. It is a rare feat and all the relatives are amazed at their endurance. Once Uma has left for the States with her husband, they are free to go back to Suddapalli.

   However, those, who rush to the help of one and all, can never rest assured of living at one place, undisturbed. They are requested to come to Gwalior because Pramila is preparing the final draft of her dissertation for Ph.D. While Srinivasam is of constant help to his daughter, by way of discussion and suggestion, Satyavathi is always busy in the kitchen and with the children. Once Pramila’s work is complete, they have made a flying visit to Agra to see the Tajmahal. When they see Shajahan’s fort and the small mirror, fixed on a wall, so that he can always see that piece of perfection, come out Tagore’s words from Srinivasam’s mouth:” Beauty is truth’s smile when she beholds her own face within a perfect mirror.”  In fact, Tajmahal is that monumental homage of love to a departed spouse, a way of expressing grief and making it immortal as, to quote Tagore again, “a teardrop  skimmering white on the cheek of time”. The brother and sister know what that sort of sorrow is, and they have also learnt how to cope with it in their own way.

       As Pramila’s husband is transferred from Gwalior to Rewa, Satyavathi and Srinivasam have made frequent visits to that place, in spite of arduously long journeys by train and by bus; they would love to be with the grandchildren there. Pramila’s son, Gopi always engages them with his humorous anecdotes and they are fascinated by the Hlndustani music of Saroja and Asha. Satyavathi doesn’t know this particular school of music, but her ear is tuned to good music, that too, if it is by her grandchildren. Not only this, even North Indian culture is appreciated by them. For example, the festival of Rakhi, that function in which the sister ties a thread on the wrist of the brother, as a token of love, has impressed them very much. The following years,on that particular full-moon day at Suddapalli, Srinivasam would insist upon  getting Rakhi, tied on his wrist, by his sister, Satyavathi - a rare way of imbibing culture and respecting sentiments. Similarly, Diwali, there, has also pleased them because of the stress on distributing sweets and socialising. They are for connecting with people, however different, they may be from them. Another memorable incident for the whole family is a visit to Maihar - that place, made memorable by Allauddin Khan, the famous Sarod player and his disciple, the renowned Sitarist, Ravi Shankar. More than anything,in Maihar, there is a mandir for Sarada - that source of all inspiration and energy. To keep up the spirits of Satyavathi, the whole family is given privileged place to sit and watch the deity at close quarters. Though Satyavathi knows the advantages of official position, she is happy to see that Pramila’s husband is in a good position to enjoy all this. But her real pleasure lies somewhere else - while coming out of the temple, she has remembered the song that she has learnt and has also taught Saroja and Asha. Sitting on a rock, facing the temple, all three of them have broken into profuse singing in unison. Here, in this song,(Saradammaku Mangalam) Sarada’s name is invoked in an auspicious tone, and in her description, it is not physical beauty that is revealed,in a few words, but the very emblem of philosophy, whatever a man knows and needs to know, is conveyed in a nutshell. Listening to the song is an extraordinary experience for all around. The meaning, contained in three different stanzas, may be summarized thus:

“O Sarada, you always revel as an auspicious personality in a pleasant flux. You are indeed the replica of illusion; contained in a form, you are above form and  all its attributes; still you are the One and Only Radiant Being.

You are indeed that entity - signifying in a miraculous form - two types of Trinity - male and female - the emblem of Brahma,Vishnu and Rudra and also the energy of Vani Lakshmi and Gouri - you are also the crux of the whole cosmos.”

“You are that individual self, merging with the Cosmic Self - that very Being - the essence of Bliss and the emancipator of all individual selves into the Cosmic Self.”

This song, as rendered by Satyavathi, gives goosebumps to people,as, apart from the musical quality, and the meaning contained,the best of the singer,the very essence - as a medley of music and meaning - comes out.

       After spending a nice time with Pramila, Sri Rama Sastry and children, Satyavathi and Srinivasam have come back to Suddapalli with rejuvenated vigour as Sastry and his family are going to visit them. Srinivasam and Satyavathi are a rare combination - while one is ambition, the other is a living symbol of love - they have planned for the thread marriages of Ravi and Syam, that too at Suddapalli, a place where everything is to be brought from the nearby city, Guntur. Being January, the weather is cooperative and they are confident  to coordinate with everything around. There are no rains to create nuisance of muddy and sticky roads, spoiling the whole courtyard and even the house; the summer with its excessive heat is far ahead; in fact, there is a thrill and a chill in the air, making the early morning pleasant with mild frost. This is the season of Sankranti and every house is decorated with huge rangolis in the front yard; it is the custom to make small balls of cowdung and put them in the midst of intricate designs of colours; every house is a place for Gods to see as chrysanthemums are in full bloom in their mix of yellow and maroon, making the atmosphere pleasant. Just like Vasudeva Sastry, Srinivasam also wants to perform the initiating ceremony of his two grandsons under his perusal, so that the two boys, living in the States would be exposed to the Indian culture. Surprisingly, everyone has agreed and Ravi, aged twenty and Syam, aged ten, have followed the procedures with meticulous care. The rendering of the Gayatri mantra in whispers near the ears, is done for the boys by the later Mukunda Swami Sastry, in the same way as the earlier Mukuna Swami Sastry has done for Srinivasam. The grandfather has explained to the two boys the meaning of the whole process - how the mantras, whose meaning is difficult to grasp, are a medium to arouse consciousness. The latent powers are activated and made more effective as we see it in the temples; when mantras are chanted in groups, set to a tune, in a rhythmic pattern, they strengthen one’s resolution and devotion and impose a divine consciousness. Everyone is happy that the boys learnt the requisite mantras and this is another occasion for a family meet.

The visit of Sastry and his family to Suddapalli has served another purpose - they are able to stay there for Sankranti - the festival of harvest that comes every year on the 13th, 14th, and the 15th of January. All the fields in the village are full of cut corn - heaps and heaps of golden paddy - collected together. This festival is celebrated to welcome Devi into the hearths and houses, as she is supposed to come to her parents’ house. A small idol of Devi is installed on a doll elephant with a number of attendants, playing different instruments - all these are made of clay by Satyavathi with an artistic hand. After the function of doing pooja and taking arathi for three days the idols are ceremoniously dropped into the well. On all these three days, the streets are full of people, enjoying and revelling; well-dressed oxen are taken in a procession to entertain the kids with rare feats. On the whole, the entire experience of Sastry’s family’s visit to Suddapalli is a gratifying one.

If all the functions at Suddapalli are a success - the credit goes to a couple, named Kamalamma and Subbayya, who have been with the family throughout. Subbayya is Sarojini’s uncle’s son, a reckless boy since childhood; Seshamma has brought him up as he has lost his parents at an early age. His wife, Kamalamma comes from Palghat, far away from Andhra and she herself is a destitute. Srinivasan’s family has adopted her into their fold, and in spite of differences of language, culture, and upbringing; she, to her credit has adapted herself to the cult of the family’s living; the only bond between the two sides is a blend of service and needs, strengthened with longstanding family loyalties and overpowering love. However, fate would not allow any human relationship forever and snaps the chords rather mercilessly. Subbayya has suddenly become ill with high fever and is unable to survive it. Not long afterwards Kamalamma, in an unforeseen accident, has slipped from a train and is dead, all of a sudden. This is a childless couple, have lived their lives under the protective care of Srinivasam, and have ultimately left a wealth of memories as inevitable members of the family. They are indeed, invincible for Satyavathi and Srinivasam, at their old age and it is almost impossible to get along at Suddapalli. Sarala, Srinivasam’s youngest daughter has insisted that they should move to Chennai and they are obliged to do so. Chennai is a familiar place for them and it is doubly attractive because both Suseela and Sarala live there. For Srinivasam, there is Theosophical Society, and for Satyavathi, there are a number of relatives to be engaged with. This is a comfortable life in a city, living in a well-furnished house as Sarala’s husband, Seshayya is well-placed as - Chief Engineer of Prasar Bharati. To keep up the spirits of all of them, there is happy news from the United States that Ravi is going to be married to an American girl. They have welcomed this marriage of the eldest grandson, as a merger of two cultures - the trend, started by Seshamma, continues. Though the actual function is at a distance, there is no dearth of festivity as all the relatives have joined together to celebrate the event. Life in Chennai is quite busy and enjoyable, participating in the activities of Sarala’s children. There is festivity all around the year, but the first day of the year, according to the Telugu calendar, is special because Srinivasam would be eighty four by October and has thus completed hundred springs according to the Telugu calendar. On that day, everyone has got up, have had their ceremonious bath and new clothes. As it is the practice, Sarala has prepared a special chutney with fresh tamarind, jaggery and flowers of bitter Neem. On the first day of the year, everyone is expected to eat this for several tastes at one time - both sweet and bitter - symbolic of the pleasant and the unpleasant experiences of life. Even before taking coffee, this is tasted, and as usual, the pooja takes place, followed by feast. In the evening, the family and friends meet to discuss the auspicious days and functions of the next calendar year. Srinivasam is happy about this glorious day as he is with his two daughters and their families. It appears that he has missed Pramila and Sastry. So, by the next October, for his birthday, Pramila has also come along with her children and his birthday is celebrated. This time, all the relatives are invited and the children have exhibited their talents; especially pleasing one is the music performance of Saroja and Asha. Srinivasam and Satyavathi are so entranced by their way of singing, studying, and overall bearing that they have chosen to go to Rewa and live there for sometime, in spite of sacrificing many facilities, available at Chennai. We don’t know for what reason choices are made; we have to live the consequences, whether they are good or bad.

Satyavathi and Srinivasam have an ability to reconcile in an informal and an instinctive way the opposite sides of life. In view of their belief in an essential bond of love, they endure hardships, undergo long train journeys and come to remote places like Rewa. The only purpose is to spend some time with Pramila and her children, that too at a time,when there are no comforts of a well-furnished house and servants. Pramila’s husband, Sri Rama Sastry, is employed at Gwalior and the family is getting along in a small accommodation as their own house is under construction. Still, they are prepared to adjust with a caring and gentle attitude. They have a rare capacity to combine high standard of perfection and discipline with equal measure of compassion and understanding. They would have lived long like that and witnessed the house-warming function; but fate is destined otherwise. Srinivasam has suddenly become sick with severe pain in the stomach and has been diagnosed as suffering from appendicitis. In spite of severe pain, he has walked out of the house with Pramila’s help; but Satyavathi has sensed something radically wrong. He has gone to sit in the car without a formal bye to his dear sister, which has never happened so far. What is this? Is this the final farewell?  Satyavathi’s apprehensions have turned out to be true. Srinivasam has to go through a hell of pain and cannot be operated upon due to his delicate health and advanced age. He is kept on medicines; Pramila and her son are always with him. Srinivasam is very much concerned that Gopi, who is supervising the construction of their house is always in the hospital. Once with shaking hands, he has scribbled a few words on a slip of paper:”Get me discharged; your work is suffering”. That is the sense of responsibility, solidarity and compassion for his grandson, in spite of the ordeals of intense suffering and pain, on the verge of approaching death. On the ninth of November, exactly one month after his birthday, Srinivasam has breathed his last, leaving everyone, especially, Satyavathi in a sea of sorrow. It may be said about him that he is a strong man who has lived for long, but has died young. He has rejoiced his life through hundred springs(according to the Lunar calendar of the Hindus) and             
has got absorbed into the Bounteous Spring. He is an emblem of the Victorian values and grace; may be described by the lines of his favourite poet, Tennyson to have gone to:

That God who always lives and loves,

One God, One Law, One Element,

One far divine Event,

To which the whole creation moves.

On such occasions, the time seems to stop, but, it doesn’t; it does move, bringing together past and future. The elder Seshamma’s foresight to blend with the upcoming generations and the younger Seshamma’s sagacity to make the right choice at the appropriate moment have shaped the life of Srinivasam. He is indeed a  symbolic representative of the confluence of cultures - a bio-linguist - well-versed in English and writing verses in Telugu; he has imbibed the essence of Theosophy, Indian epics and philosophical texts. He is a person -  living in and spreading around - a spirit of enlightenment, can break the rigid borders of closed-door orthodoxy. If a person like him leaves, does one era end or has another chapter in memory’s enclave opened? Perhaps both - as he has left “Footprints on the sands of time!” Satyavathi is just a lone sailor on the solemn sea and may not initially be able to put together the pieces of her broken heart. That lamp which has shed light on her life has been blown off for all practical purposes. Srinivasam has directed her steps and has guided her to look ahead in a caressing, comfortable and protective manner. However, the way is darkened and her eyes are welling with tears; now, it is like going through a tunnel; still, it seems that there is a glimpse of light at the other end.

     Satyavathi is Srinivasam’s sister and knows that”The old order changeth yielding place to new;\ And God fulfils Himself in many ways.” She is aware that though the old times are no longer there, every morning would bring a new chance and a greater challenge to take heart ; has to go ahead, holding the hand of the future generations. With a stirn bent of mind, she has encouraged Gopi in his construction activities, has participated in almost all of what is happening around. The house is complete by the next spring and is named “Srinivasam.” That is Satyavathi - the loner who can build bridges of goodwill and greater vision, going beyond the past, living the present and looking forward towards the future.

                                    

                                   CHAPTER VI

            MUSIC    AND     MYSTIC  LINEAMENTS

                        The surrender should be complete

                        The heart must be purified of all

                        Desire, the intellect of all self-will.”

                                                                                      Aurobindo

    

   

    The last chapter in the life of Satyavathi does not start in a gloomy atmosphere of a life, doomed to be lived alone, nor does it end like that, as she crosses the earthly levels to have a glimpse of the Divine. According to the St. John of the Cross, human life is a flight from the alone to the alone. How alone is Satyavathi? Living with the children and the grandchildren, there are always spaces in that togetherness. There is love, but the bond is like a moving sea between the shores of different selves - a web of relationships a string of vibrations with a flexibility to move apart, when called upon. Sarojini used to say that Satyavathi is born to be a saint, but is too emotionally involved in her attachments. But, that was a long time back when she had had the luxury of a protected life; when the roles change, when she herself is compelled to take care of others, rather than being protectively looked after, she is different. She is neither the woman, unexposed to the raw realities of life, nor the self-assumed ascetic to remain untouched - but a person to preserve a fine balance between the here and the hereafter. Though solitary, her life is not a secluded one as she has believed in spreading herself and seeing that the sense of selfness is all around. It is an exercise in stilling the turbulence and commotion in herself and others, trying to regain her composure and give comfort to others there may not always be success; here, human limitations are forever there to be handled and to be overcome. But she has chosen to live her life to its full potential; it is a creative path, taking music and meditation as tools to win over inner struggles and attain stillness in the stream of consciousness, reaching abstract super-sensory levels. There is a serenity in her approach to attain excellency and a sanctity in her choice of what she stands for.

After living at Rewa for a few years, she has moved to Chennai for a change; from there she has joined Sarala in Bombay, as Mr. Sesheyya is posted there. During that time, she has happily witnessed the marriage of Krishna, Sarala’s eldest son and Saroja, Pramila’s daughter. In spite of her delicate health, she is active and has even sung a few songs to add to the festivity of the occasions. But, within three months, after that, Sarala’s youngest son got jaundice and died after a few days of sickness. The whole family is shattered, and especially Satyavathi is too disturbed to see the youngest of her children (very fondly looked after and pampered by her)  suffer such a severe loss. Just because she doesn’t want to add to the emotional burden of Sarala with an additional responsibility of looking after her, she has left for Rewa along with Pramila.

There, in the new house, “Srinivasam”, she has started meditating, singing songs of her choice and listening to music. She has always enjoyed Gopi’s company and has a special attachment for him, because he has served her brother with devotion and dedication, during his last days. The atmosphere there is quite congenial to her and she is able to listen to the choicest songs of M.S. SubbuLakshmi; or anyone she likes. She has enjoyed the first visit of Saroja along with her husband for Diwali and there are happy tidings for her as Saroja is in the family way. Later, in the month of April, Saroja has delivered her son, Anvay, making Pramila and Sri Rama Sastry, proud grandparents and Satyavathi great grandmother once again. After three months, to add to the excitement of Satyavathi, Saroja has left for the United States along with her child. Many memories of Satyavathi’s stay in the States have come back to her; based on her own experiences  with the rearing of Syam, she is all advice to Saroja as to how she should bring up her baby in that advanced country. She is just like a child - in her enthusiasm and revelling over things in which she  herself has no direct experience . Sometimes, even at this late age, she would wonder at the good fortune of mothers because their children are always with them, wherever they go. Just playing the role of a spectator, that too from a distance, that separates India from America, she is thrilled to hear about the way in which the boy is brought up. She is both childish and childlike at the same time. Small things like going to the States and the pranks of a growing baby exhilarate her on one side while on the other she sings devotional songs without any stint or reservation, feeling as if they are just written for her,the lyrics, the tune and time coming out of the depths of her heart. I may give just one instance to exemplify my point. She has suddenly taken ill and is to be admitted in the hospital at Rewa. Almost unconscious, lying on a bed, with intravenous medication going on, she is talking incoherently about cleaning the vessels and helping Pramila in the kitchen - the body is immobile, but the mind is a restless vagabond. In order to calm her down, Gopi, slowly and softly, has spoken in her ear of the song that she would always love to sing - “Nama Ramayanam” - a short poem on Rama,(sung by M.S. Subbulakshmi) relating a number of Rama’s personal traits and feats through melodious music, set to encapturing rhythm. Lo and behold! The whole hospital, even the doctors, are amazed to see her flawless rendering transporting the whole atmosphere, stinking with sickness,to an entranced and enlightened one. Silencing one’s desires is possible only through music which leads one to express the ineffable - i.e., what Satyavathi has believed in. She is struggling for breath; but the breath within the breath is vibrating with music. It is a liberating experience within the confines of the body. That Rama, bound in tune and time, comes out not as a name,(the title of the song suggests citing different names of Rama) but as an enticing encounter with the real self within. A song like this - when it is sung - is a creative art, a mirror, where the image of the Supreme Spirit is reflected as part of the singer’s self. Here, this is an experience of Infinity, the vastness of the heart extends its horizons beyond human conception and Eternity is right there, bound by the tone of music and the chimes of measure.

       Slowly and steadily, Satyavathi has come back to normal health, and is again fit for travel, though a bit frail. This time, it is to Tirupati, to celebrate Gopi’s thread-marriage; she is too weak to participate in all procedures, but is happy that she is there. She would fondly remember this occasion as an unforgettable memory. Satyavathi has already faced many crises in her life, but the two that she is going to wade through now are really trying tragedies. Once again time’s bitter flood has risen and flown in its tide are two valuable lives,(Sri Rama Sastry’s and Ramana’s)  leaving Pramila and Ammalu as widows. Satyavathi is not Sundaramma to go to Banaras in desperation, but would stand in good stead to extend sympathetic understanding and unstinted support. Satyavathi has learnt that the seasons of the heart are to be accepted as the seasons of the year; there is no choice, but to bear through the winters of grief with serenity. It is a severe punishment to see those, whom she has dearly reared to grow up into women, wives and mothers, being thrown into the plight of widows. But it is inevitable to endure with patience the challenges of overcoming emotion. According to her, now, in this mental state, the only way to connect to Divinity is to work for a purpose in a spirited manner; participate in the turmoils and troubles of the children without bitterness or raising unanswerable questions. She has learnt to evolve internally due to her intense involvement in music ; has cultivated a habit of winning over negative thoughts through the notes of soothing music and the softening beats of time.

           In life, on the heels of the darkness of night, come the radiant rays of hope and sunshine; while we shed tears from our eyes, our lips flex themselves to smile; the sad sequence of events gets balanced by the pleasant ones. Sarala’s second son, Sasikumar, a doctor, is married to Srividya, a renowned dancer from Hyderabad. While the marriage is taking place, there are happy tidings that Ravi is blessed with a daughter - the first offspring for the next generation of the Gundu family. Now, Satyavathi is a proud great grandmother for seventeen great grandchildren - a rare feat for a virgin widow! In quick succession are performed Gopi’s and Seenu’s (Suseela’s son’s) marriages, which she has attended with great gusto. Since Pramila is performing her son’s marriage as a single mother, she is all support to her - mentally. if not physically as she has become quite weak. Now, as Aurobindo would say, the entire being is given up as if it is a passive engine into divine hands; life is a lila, a play; it is in the hands of the driver to do whatever he deems it to be fit.

         While the body becomes weak, the mind remains alert and looks at the evolution of its own growth. The self-same Satyavathi, who used to take elaborate  time and great pains to decorate idols, and follow a methodical process of devotional activities, has learnt that form is a precursor to formlessness. After leaving Suddapalli, living with children, she has acquired the habit of sitting somewhere and doing her meditation, making it super-sensory. The external bundles of energy, that were apart, have got internalized as reserves of life, radiating positive vigour to everyone around. Satyavathi is often reminded of what Sarojini used to say; there is only One Being, called Lord Siva. Srinivasam used to say that even in the midst of severe spasms, due to Titanus, she had not stopped uttering “Siva” till she sank into semi-conscious and later, unconscious levels. Now, at the end of her journey,Satyavathi sees the One Being filled with infinite light, an over-whelming God-consciousness; freedom from the finite is liberation. Satyavathi used to recite a poem, the meaning of which may be summarised thus: “The space, within an earthen vessel, is the same as the space outside; similarly, the individual self, locked in the temporary body, is nothing other than the permanent Cosmic Self.” In her search inside, she goes deeper and deeper, breaks the veil, penetrates through the thin web, perceives the cords of unity that bind separate life forces to find out that real entity - one and only Omnipotent, Omnipresent and Omniscient God, who is within and beyond all possible  forms of the vast universe.

         Satyavathi is an emblem of reality, turning a star-crossed story into an expression of spiritual venture. Her life is not decked with glittering events, nor are there glamorous achievements; but it is a life lived on its own terms. Music is Satyavathi,s moral law; she has abided by singing and seeing it as the soul of the universe, adding wings to her mind and flight to her imagination. When she sings, it is her meditation; one feels as if she has seen something, an unseen being to the physical eye; however, for her, the duality is erased in the supreme expression of concealed wisdom, power and bliss. It would be like an experience of Tyagaraja, in one of his last songs,”Paramathmudu”, witnessing the same Being as residing in his compositions, in the smallest creature as well as in the huge cosmos. In this final vision, there is no contradiction, but just harmony and universal symphony. As if singing her own song, a creative art, and doing her part, she has drowned into the Unconscious, lived for a few days and the mists of time closed her eyes - never to open again. Only her name - Satyavathi - remains now as a reminder of a sacred song to be repeated again and again, to say with Tyagaraja”Is there a better way than music and meditation in this world?”(Sangitha jnanamu bhakti vina) Satyavathi says that that is the best - MUSIC AND MEDITATION.